Reviews for Chatterbox - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: Chatterbox - Reviews: Page 1 of 2

Dark Fever 2007-12-18 ch 1,	abusehmm...interesting, i'll have to read and find out what happens next..see yha
Artzcreator 2007-08-14 ch 2,	abusevery nice again.. :) threw me slightly on the sidden change of names, (because the first chapter sticks with Brian's online name rather than his actual name) but soon got over it and enjoyed.. its actually teaching me a lot about forums hehe =P Have added this to me fav stories and added u to me fav.authors good one bex x
Artzcreator 2007-08-14 ch 1,	abuseGreat so far. Excellent charactor formation, i'll definatly carry on reading :) only thing that kind of annoyed me was in the starting paragraph you repeated "fiver" a lot, eg: "Fiver logged in to the Chatterbox..new messages since Fiver had gone to bed..Fiver had been posting since the boards came into..Fiver wasn’t sure how long" ect Maybe to make it slightly more coherent change a few of the 'fiver's into 'he's :) captivating story and plot bex xx
Rogue AI not logged in 2006-11-09 ch 16, anon.	abuseWhoa, no, no, no! You cannot stop this marvellous piece of work here! I have been absorbed since chapter 1, and have just re-read it from start to end. It was realistic, amd Ulysses was intriguing! Please, I beg you, continue it! I want to see Ulysses!
Sakka-Fenikkusu 2006-10-29 ch 1,	abuse"Fiver logged in to the Chatterbox forum, and clicked the “New Posts” button. There were over a thousand new messages since Fiver had gone to bed earlier that morning. Chatterbox was a very active forum. The site had over 45,0 members, and was the tenth most active message board on the Internet. Fiver had been posting since the boards came into existence many years ago. Fiver wasn’t sure how long ago it was; his first thread was in 19 announcing that Bill Clinton had been impeached for perjury in the whole Monica Lewinsky mess. Fiver looked at the clock on his computer. It was exactly noon. Fiver had gone to bed at around four that morning, spending the night up either playing Vice City or checking Chatterbox. One of the threads Fiver noticed was “Tell why you’re a loser.” Fiver decided to contribute with his life story." Far too many Fivers here. Try to mix up your sentences a little bit. (Same applies for the second to last paragraph of this chapter.) Also, the Chatterbox site's info isn't really needed and draws attention away from the point. Just saying it's an active forum is probably fine. Ditto for his first post. Most readers aren't interested in when he first posted. Another thing about that paragraph, a possible rephrasing of one of the sentences: "Fiver had gone to bed at around four that morning, spending the night up either playing Vice City or checking Chatterbox." becomes "He'd gone to bed at around four in the morning, spending the night awake playing Vice City and checking Chatterbox." "Time: 1234 11/05/2006" Did you mean 12:34? "Jesus Christ on a pogo stick, that was rough." I laughed at this. Nice job. "I tried to get a job as a cashier at Wal-Mart, but that was too stressful for me. I know, I know, two years at the Naval Academy was fine, but Wal-Mart was too much." Explaining why would be helpful. Maybe he can't handle a job that isn't challenging to him? Or he needs some kind of specific structure to maintain a job that only the Naval Academy could provide? You seem to handle the first person a little better than the third, mostly because you used Fiver's name too much when in the latter. Otherwise, nice job, and I'll be getting onto the next chapter ASAP. If you have any problems with this review, feel free to point it out, because I can make mistakes like everyone else. (I only ran through it once to edit.) Without brains, Sakka-Fenikkusu
poet tree 2006-08-14 ch 16,	abusePlease. Don't stop it there.
Cheeseraptor5 2006-05-26 ch 1,	abuseThat was a seriously engaging and very well-written story! I'm definitely adding this to my favorites - great job
Random 2006-05-26 ch 16, anon.	abuseOh wow. That was awesome. Leaves the ending open so that there's still stuff to be explained. Good job, that's material for a movie or something.
HigherthanHope 2006-02-24 ch 16,	abuseHey, ArcticBanana-I thought that your story is really good. Keep Writing!
Faster-than-without-water 2006-02-23 ch 16,	abuseExcellent story
Bekah Stargazing 2006-02-20 ch 15,	abuseWow... This story keeps me going, seriously. I keep reading and reading, wanting to know what is going to happen next. Amazing writing skills. It's weird, but since I started reading it when there were already 11 or so chapters up, I want all the chapters to be up at the moment just so I can continue reading at my own leasure, not having to wait. So far, this is amazing. I love Fiver, and his mom sounds very... motherly (the best term I could think of). As I said in an earlier review, you describe the online forum atmosphere very well and I can relate to it easily. Great job.
EmptynessFilled 2006-02-13 ch 13,	abuseYou never fail to excite. great chapter. This is getting intense. Do NOT stop writing. i've come across people who write one chapter then stop. please keep this up, it's excellent!
Darket 2006-02-11 ch 1,	abuseI remember this story from Flashback. It was one of my favorite. I'll keep reading, that's for sure. My favorite from the whole collection was the one where the family is keeping the girl inside of the cage. It was just so eery that I still read it today!
c12f 2006-02-10 ch 12,	abuseplease tell me you'll write more!
Bekah Stargazing 2006-02-05 ch 11,	abuseAmazingly written, and me being a forum regular, I understand all about what you're talking about. Wonderful job on creating Chatterbox in its entirety and creating all the characters, etc. So engaging! Amazing, I must say. I can very much relate to the character of Fiver/Brian, and having somewhat of a 'loser life' that he has, only I'm half his age. xD I can't wait to read the next chapters! I am just so anxious on seeing how this will come to a close.

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