Nice chapter here. A slow down chapter to let the characters and the readers catch their breaths. I sense a love triangle coming into play really soon. But i'm kinda scratching my head.

It seems like Gerald had been through hell right before Becky dumped him. It makes Becky seem like a bitch, excuse my french, but i hope that wasn't the intent. That could be a problem if she's supposed to be a likeable protagonist.

Besides, it seems like he and Jacky have the potential for something special.

Update soon.

M.C.

Good chapter. Pretty action packed. Use of section breaks would help here also, i think.

Might i suggest some additional reading? Any of the Star Wars X-Wing books. Or if that's a problem check out Deathworm's Arcadian Conflicts.

Some of your battle-writing needs work. Sentence structure and questionable behavior derail from the excitement. Initially I was wondering why the Admiral didn't place the lieutenant commander's in command over the lieutenant.

And in one sentence, you say "After Jaclyn fired her last missile and it ripped apart her opponent". Twisting it around slightly would make it flow a little better "After Jaclyn downed her opponent with her last missile, she replied." Just a suggestion.

I hope i don't sound like an ass with my reviews, but i just see tons of potential in this. It's got everything a good space opera needs. Action, colorful characters, and romance.

On to the next chapter.

M.C.

Good to see a story about fighter pilots on here. As far as content goes, i'm liking where this is going, but i don't really have much to go on. A re-blooming romance, some interesting revelations and kick ass battles... maybe throw in a double-cross or two?

Grammatically there are some issues. One thing that you'll really need to adress are section breaks. When you cut from Hawaii to Colorado, i needed to reread a few times. Use a series of dashes or asterisks, at the very least, to let the reader know you're changing the setting up on them. That was really the only major error i saw, and i can't even call it a grammar error.

I just have a few comments. How did Jackie and Gerald make it all the way back to colorado without being caught? It would seem that if they were being tailed by the enemy, a vastly outnumbering enemy, they'd just as easily be vaped by them. Something as simple as saying "earth fighters were twice as fast as the enemy fighters" would work. The idea is just to answer all questions a reader may have while reading, except for those integral to the plot, try to keep that in mind. i do, most of the time :-p

Last thing, i think. Info dumps are bad. Very, very bad. Try to avoid them at all costs. And if you need an info dump, try disguising it as best as possible. That section where 'becca is talking about her relationship with gerald, it comes off as more info dump than her own memory.

Sorry about the novel-length review. Onward to chapter 2. I'll be watching this story closely. keep up the good work.

M.C.

I'm liking this a lot...please continue! :D