The first stanza was particularly beautiful, especially "the silence is so perfect that it breathes ellipses." and "as I taste the damp-smell of our sky."
Beautiful. It's sexual, which is easy to overdo, but you handled it really well.

I swore I've reviewed this already, but since I don't see it-

This is beautiful, you have such a way with description. I really love it.

I don't know why I haven't reviewed this yet, I've read it (well) over five times. The beginning 'breathes ellipses' is... wow. I've always wanted to incorporate grammatical sorts of things in my writing (abstractly, of course). The imagery, as always, is wonderful. I simply adore the fifth stanza as well as the last two.

I love both the format and the message of the last three stanzas -- quarantining "flee with the moon" from the rest of the relevant lines lends it more oomph. The idea was very well-presented and in such a way that it let the reader think along with the narrator in one clean, uninterrupted line. Nice job on this! Adieu, Kat

Wow...great imagery, beautiful wording. Very eloquently put together, while not concealing. It's actually surprisingly honest.

My suggestion for the fading of the stanza's idea is to keep the fading sort of...consistent throughout. I hate to say this, because the poem flows really well as is, but if you really want to get the fading across, you should probably start the poem off with the largest stanza, and then make each shorter thereafter.

Great job, and thank you for the review. =)

Wow. I do so love that end, and the part about the candles. Different, and that's why I love it.

Beautiful, magical, devoting. I love this!

One of the most amazign poems I've ever read on this site. Beautiful, amazing, brilliant writing. Your descriptions are so unique and perfect--how did you come up with them? I agree with the previous reviewer--"I decide to envy candles" is definately my favorite stanza in this piece (which, in itself, is filled with other beautiful lines.)

As for making the ending fade more...what if you switched the lines at the end a little? Such as:

I cannot help but wonder ifyou will watch the sun rise by my side,or,if you will flee with a moon.(*connective word) wave of evaported darkness.

That's just my opinion though--I think the poem is perfect as it is! Favoriting this--keep writing!

i don't really have any advice or anything, but i liked this poem. : )

wow. this is extraordinary for several reasons-the feeling of groundedness-how it's firmly in one moment, immersed and entranced by it; the way you use description to make the moment so much richer; the blunt, confession-like honesty. amazing.that first stanza literally made my mouth water, but not in a good way... in the way that, in a movie, if someone gets their hand chopped off, you grab your hand in sympathy. the line "condensation rimming my dry tongue as i taste the damp-smell of our sky" is brilliance. the first part is extremely sensory, and then the last "our sky" wow. that puts the reader on the scent of the poem right off. amazing.I love "atmospheric anticipation"... relates to the first stanza but also, oddly, to the candles. I also like "soft desires etched in smoke"-it's so visual, and it works in the way few descriptions truly do.wow. the idea of 'gurgling' with lust... haha, makes it not so romantic, eh? I love the way you use 'bone-carved,' it's such a heavy contrast to the guy as to be almost painful."I decide to envy candles-/unable to make contact, but/so devoted to oxygen that they cannot live apart" I ADORE this line-it's by far my favorite. it is specifically what I meant by admirable honesty. and just the idea of being a candle, of wanting to withdraw yourself if only you could escape from this creeping falsity... I never thought of candles that way, but this is perfect."you speak/in a spray of peacock feathers, voice iridescent and plumed" haha that has a lot of connotations, bringing the peacock in there: all show and no presentation, something of lust, the richness or huskiness of his voice. I love it.This last line confused me a bit, however, I have to admit. maybe it was the spacing. I got it on the second read, but it was a stumbling block in a poem that flowed remarkably throughout. my suggestion is : "I cannot help but wonder/if you will watch the sun rise at my side/or, (insert reminder of previous imagery) flee with the moon" I took out "if you will" because it lags. make your ending keep up!great job. this is phenominal on many levels. bravo!

'You speak/in a spray of peacock feathers'. That's possibly the most perfect imagery I've ever heard. Really. That's just - beautiful.

awesome description. I think you're very talented.

that was beautiful.. ♥

The last line was the best. The allusion of the sun rising and the moon retreating are good gestures. The recurrent oxygen and flame/smoke/candles refrences are perfect for the idea too.

P.S. Palahniuk and Faulkner are awesome!