I like it. Its an interesting structure only having the second and fourth rhyme but it works well. Well done.

~Suigetsu

I've officially read all your work, I think. . . uncoordinated and clumsy as hell, will be back soon, UPDATE.

reminds me of Tim Burton o_O dunno why. Loved his poems -.- **. Sorry I swear a lot, yeah -.- DEAL WITH IT. Loved it, brilliant work. Amazing.