Reviews for A Typical Internet Love Story

Reviews For: A Typical Internet Love Story - Reviews: Page 1 of 2

Lady E 2008-04-07 ch 1,	An interesting exploration of the teenage mind. Funny in parts. It seems unfinished though. I was holding my breath nearly the entire way through, waiting for him to pull out a chainsaw on her XD, so the mellow ending was a bit of a disappointment. "But age is just a number, and I don’t think it should matter any more than appearances do." - I can't agree with this. Age is not "just a number" and is in fact nearly interchangeable with the word experience, which does have a big role to play in any relationship. Even though this ending is a happy one, I'm still left feeling very unsettled because of how little time they spend looking at the potential problems of their relationship (for a start, limiting their romantic interaction to private moments alone is not so easy of a task to accomplish!). I'm tempted to accuse you of intentionally creating this foreboding mood: Maggie actually thinks of many of these issues, but she never resolves them, and the reassurances she gives herself (ie. true love, not lust; looks don't matter; he's still the guy I've talked to whose mind I know) seem forced. It leaves me afraid for their future. In fact, I would call this a cliff-hanger. ;) Aside from the guy's "teddy bear" cuteness, I don't find either of them attractive characters, but what they both undeniably are is realistic. You really have a knack for stream-of-conscious writing, honest and present and in-the-moment. And there were some things thought and said here that made me think. I enjoyed this; thank you! :)
One-Hand Clap 2008-04-01 ch 1,	"Thank you, John Mayer, for drowning out my mom." It wouldn't be the first person he killed with his music. Anyways, this story was kind of sweet... in an extremely sickening way. It's nice your characters could get past each other's age, but the real question is why Joel pretended in the first place. I don't like much Maggie, either though.
Delirium Batharie 2006-10-11 ch 1,	This was so...PERFECT. Man oh man, I don't even know why; maybe it's the realism, the believibility, the imagery, the emotion, the happy ending, the connection to my own life...or even all of these things. But this was a really, really awesome and inspiring read. Kudos! :D
Time Ticks Backwards 2006-07-13 ch 1,	Very original. I really liked it.
Firespirit44 2006-05-29 ch 1,	I have one thing to say: You are a very, very, very different writer. Actually, 'different' is rather a weak word, but still. I mean, at first I thought, okay, typical girl meets cute boy, blah blah blah..and then..whoa, okay, so he's an old guy..she's going to dump him and run, right? Wait..no..she's actually listening to him! Okay..so maybe she'll comfort him, and they'll go their seperate ways..but no...she..still loves him?! O.o This story took me by surprise with each twist and turn. Great job. I especially loved the ending. “Aw, look how cute! Father and daughter bonding.” Joel and I can't help but smile. Excellent.
Edgar Wellington 2006-03-23 ch 1,	Alright, well, I guess I gotta weigh-in on this, being a 44 year old male -- though I am not balding... This story is amazingly realistic with respect to the protagonist -- her voice, her manner, her stream-of-consciousness -- though I do have some questions about what exactly attracted her to Joel online. He must have done quite a bit of lying to hide his age. I thought you might be heading for the old bait and switch (like one reviewer mentioned) and she'd wind up with the son -- but then it might have been more about Joel's tragedy, then her happiness. And actually this might have been an interesting contrast. I was thinking that one of the reasons for her attraction to Joel (before meeting him in person) was his maturity. But then you made him out to be a sort of tubby dolt after they met. Anyway, the contrast of whether she might go for the son or the father could have illustrated this difference in maturity and brought out some deeper issues of the human condition. I have to admit that I too was a bit creeped-out by the story (I have two pre-adolescent daughters of my own), but I guess this is what fiction is meant for, to explore those parts of humanity that would be unthinkable in real life (for most of us anyway) -- I sometimes call my writing persona "the criminal," and it is for just this kind of expression. I thought the defensive admissions of so many cliches was interesting, though you could have counted a lot more. But I thought that was part of the charm of the quirky young girl, not seeing all the cliches. Overall this story is quite effective. It kept my attention and reads quickly. You have a knack for realistic characterisations. (you are also a terrific reviewer/editor, thank you!)
acrobia 2006-03-07 ch 1,	First - I loved the beginning, and how we are given the mom's thoughts...the character's response to the mother's so-obvious speech is fabulous too, "“Sorry,” she says. “You know—” Ah, here it comes; the words have reached her tongue". I think it's something that runs through my mind every other time my mother opens her mouth =p I also love the humor in this story, the cynical tone that you use, and the little jokes "a V.I.P. ticket into the Panty room" - hilarious. "gasp! – he’s a forty-seven-year-old child molester! When anybody at school asks me if I have a boyfriend, I always say no. If I told them the truth then they’d all LOL at me. But whatever, it doesn’t matter anymore." - I’m the one laughing out loud! haha, but very true what people think these days. I think you portray this very well; the way you present the parents and their views is very realistic. Oh, and the way you bring in computer language – very fitting. It gives the story that much more credibility. The use of "like" continues throughout the story...although at the start I thought it didn’t fit the character and that it make her seem a little fake, I am starting to see why you use it. Even though on her normal days the character claims to have "nobody to impress", it would seem this internet boyfriend of hers is making her forget how to speak correctly, and even leading her to cheerleader-associated-behavior. It makes much more sense now and its more fitting this way =) "She gives me a wink and says, “Have fun on your date.” I slam the door." - Perfect, I love the intensity that comes after the mom's seemingly sweet (although from the character's point of view, annoying) comment =) The counting of clichés is also something new and very fitting - it follows the story and the character development well. "a sudden desire to turn around and run pops up inside my mind like an annoying pop-up ad on the internet" - hahah great simile! I love your use of humor in this piece! “(Buy a sweater, get a dead girl free!)” – even more great humor! I love it! The twist is also well presented – even though I was expecting Joel not to be the hunk that the character thought he was, the way that she starts seeing him as a child molester (when before she condoned this type of view) is weaved in subtly, it gives the reader a slight “but I thought that she…ah” moment, where everything pieces together. “Typical teenage rebellion” – Love the way you present the various “typical” behaviors of teenagers, yet always with a tone that displays just how irrational they are…hey, I can relate hahah I am guilty of committing all of them! “That makes me give Joel another glance; and as I look directly into his eyes, it’s as I’m looking at the computer screen at home, at the same pictures that I’ve been staring at for all these months. This Joel has the exact same eyes as that Joel, those brown-green eyes that so remind of muddy grass.” – this came as an unexpected surprise for me…I really thought that the character was just going to run for the police station, but instead she seems to be considering this guy, actually showing some sympathy…It comes a good relief from the tension! “I nod. “Warm up your girlfriend,” I instruct him. He puts his arm around me and I lay my head upon his checkered shoulder.” – this is quite an interesting and different image. Although to the character it makes sense, I couldn’t help but feel a little weird. It didn’t seem to fit somehow. Overall, I really liked this story, especially how the view changes throughout, and the little subtle twists that you use to present that change. Your use of language is admirable, and your images are very well painted. It was a very good story, although I thought some points could use a little more intensity to them. All in all, another great piece!Keep up the good work, XOXO - Acrobia
poet tree 2006-02-23 ch 1,	You have no idea how amusing this is. I was expecting it to be somewhat evil and grotesque like a lot of your other stories, but this turned out kind of...sweet. I do think, though, that maybe you should make her be a little more freaked out about his age. It seems on the borderline of unrealistic. (Then again, I'm one to talk.) All in all...very good.
K. Silence 2006-02-17 ch 1,	Disgusting but sweet. So I knew the entire time what was going to happen, which could have easily made me lose interest but it flowed so smoothely that I couldn't stop reading. And look, I have ADD, my attention span is not very expandable. I think with every story I can see so much improvement. You disgust me. Anyway,I caught one mistake and I'm sure someone else already mentioned it - i haven't read your reviews - so i'm not even going to bother. Although, I thought this sounded odd. I assure him with a smile, a smile of my beautiful gap But that's just me. Your opinion is more important. I think you really write first person POV really well. It doesn't sound redundant when you write it. It's just something most people can't do, especially with a story of this length. Anyway, I'll read your newest story tomorrow. Peace and chicken grease.
Sarah-Brighteyes 2006-02-12 ch 1,	You know Dear Gilee. Your stories always touch on the subjects no one wants to feel with a ten foot pole. I love how your topics make me cringe and yet think and wonder and yea compare to my own life. I love it. I did enjoy this though. I found myself squirming in my chair as I read the end of this peice. I just get all creeped out and I just cant make myself happy they found "True" love despite age ha. Great piece. You always make me feel. Bravo ... keep writing Dear Gilee.
Margot Tenenbaum 2006-01-30 ch 1,	HAHA.this story was hysterical.and i find it amusing that despite the REALITY of the story here of the HUGE age gap b/w maggie and joel, some reviewers still think this is some sort of squeaky-clean, disney version of cinderelle reuniting w/ her prince charming. you've got talent.i'm keeping my eye on you!
chaos called creation 2006-01-24 ch 1,	Well, I have to say i wasn't expecting that at all! But you write so well it was hard to stop. Some parts made me completely crack up though :) like 'Everything’s so shiny in the city at night.Even Joel’s balding head.' And some parts are so well poetically put which really added a lot to this story. So I applaud you for writing something so original based on a cliche plot. I hope this isn't a one shot because it can go so far. Please update soon.
sendingbackrachel 2006-01-16 ch 1,	okay, at the first sight of a bald man with yellow teeth, i was grossed out of my mind. and although i think that 15-44 is a big age gap, i found the story pretty. i can't imagine what would happen next. i mean with her mother and such.. but i was beautiful how she admited that she was confortable with him.
ayadora 2006-01-13 ch 1,	... I was once mistaken for my dad's girlfriend... it was very, very sad. It's kinda cool, really, it's funny how anyone can fall in love with anyone when they can't see them. Like they're limited by appearance or something. This really shows that, and I think Maggie was kinda... er... brave; I would have punched the guy and run into hallmark. I would have thrown valentines bears and lions at him. I would smother him with Ty crap. I wouldn't give him half a chance. But Maggie's a good person and she... (cough) "stood by what she believed in" (gag) How cliche... but it does, and it's really admirable.
scuttlebutt 2006-01-12 ch 1,	I don't know what you're talking about. This is just as sick as your other stories, just a little different. I was hoping for the mom to come, catch them and press charges or something. 15? I'm 15, o snap, that's way to young to have a relationship with a twenty year old! But 44? That's just beast. The title, the "typical" part, haha, I should have known it wasn't going to be a "typical" love story. Don't stop writing, even though your writing burns into my brain 6 hours later.

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