xD.. this is pretty awesome. I don't know why, but it reminded me of a crossover between Evangelion and... well something (it was on my mind earlier... I just kind of forgot xP). It seems like it's going turn out to be something good though. Seems all out there and futurey - which is nice - while still being something I can relate to and imagine happening.

Intriguing~ the dialogue is quite smooth, could have a tad bit more description~ good start

keep writing!

It jump right into the story, lol. Thats a good thing! I am so happy to see you around again! :)

Ka-chan beat me...Oh well, this is MUCH better then that BR story you gave me before...though I think you need to work on your word usage a bit...until next time.

hm..it's very "rough"? i don't really know how to explain it..it's very coarse. btw, i love the names. totally fits the characters. a perfect balance of everything, Chibi Tote (my nickname for you darlin')!

(you can ask what the hell 'tote' stands for if you don't know)

keep on truckin'! doin' a fabulous job.