yey another nice story! i've never read anything of this plot - time travelling that is- so for me it's the first. corona's nice, she's cool. and fenfen has a really cute name XD i love this! update soon!

interesting stuff, a lot of action in the first chapter. Watch out for placement of full stops when a comma might be better, for instance ", those bandages were tight" perhaps. Check your words are not implying something other than what is meant. I like "The red dot began to migrate", it gives the reader a good image but migratory things are usually defined by being alive i think (Don´t take my word for it though!). Great potential, i´d like to know a bit more about the technology, weapons and details.best wishes, will

Hmm I might get hooked to this story. Keep up the good job. *goes off to ponder the time traveling paradoxes*

-Draco Letty, Author of CD Squad

Nice, it kept me interested throughout and seems like it can go places, one word, update. Also there were a few words missing in some of the sentences, as though you were in a slight rush and perhaps skipped them while typing it up, not that big of a deal but I just thought I'd let you know.

-Draco Letty, Author of Val Terumoto: Teen Detective

“I’ve had half a breast blown off by a shotgun. I’ll be fine.”

roflmao!! Had to put that in there, it was hilarious.