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Reviews For: Nightmares and Talks

StoryJunkie
2006-04-15
ch 4,
abuseI found this chapter, although witty and charming, rather confusing. Maybe it was the change of perspectives. Maybe because Louis is gay? (did I read that right?) I'm kind of confused.
StoryJunkie
2006-04-15
ch 3,
abuseI'm kind of confused over who's an angel, who's an elf, and who's a demon. and I have no idea what her girlfriend is, (although I'm sure you've told me) but nevertheless, the conversation sparkles with wit. Must read on.
StoryJunkie
2006-04-15
ch 2,
abusewell, even though they're just talking, it seems all mysterious and intriguing, although I feel I've been plunked in the middle of a situation that I know absolutely nothing about. Got to find out more.
StoryJunkie
2006-04-15
ch 1,
abusewow, even though the action was incomprehensible, I kind of understood it. That pov break near the end was charmingly done, although a tad strange. Reading on. You've got my attention
Ivi
2006-03-01
ch 3,
abuseyay another chapter, i liked this one, two main reasons...one I finaly was able to definitly put together the fact that Louie is Lucifer. ANd you introduced T, although one isue, you make Stald out to seem a tad bit girly with his inner monologue in certian parts. such as "Write the number down somewhere, and compare it to the next time it was her turn for stitches, to see who needed more, and why? So she could accurately be able to continue their ongoing game of one-up-man-ship? Wait, don’t answer that, I take it back, I swear." the last part just doesnt feel all that masculin...anyway looking forward to more
Ivi
2006-01-27
ch 2,
abuseTHis is a much stronger chapter, after all you keep to one charictor. You do have a few easily handled isues that could be resolved. Second Paragraph you mention a lover, I assume its Stalds but the way it is phrased makes it sound as if that Stalds lover is louie, "I think I bristled at the sight of her wearing one of my lover’s shirts" and you had just said she was wearing louies shirt. THen you go on to talk about girly things, so I assume you ment the skirt. another issue is I am getting confused about the charictors ages, shes about to come of age, shes a teenager, but there have been assasination attacks over several millenia. It almost seems like you are strugiling to get the history ideas of this world you are creating in too this story. My advice would be to write a timeline, or a cronoloagy, hehe i just made up a new word i think, You do do a briliant job of developing your charictors. Its really nice the way you get to feel the charictors through the way there friends view them. Anyhow, I look forward to the way this unfolds.
Ivi
2006-01-27
ch 1,
abuseErm...i could of sworn I had already revied this piece but apparently not. Anyways its really a good piece, although Im not sure that first person works for this. Its good in the begining and its good with Stald but the transition is awkward and a little weak, Stald is definitly the stronger first person charictor but i have a feeling Kat is going to be the more important charictor. Also when you first introduce Stald you call him a girl. "Ma’Stald, the Grey Guard, the Captain of the Guard of the Lady of Fire’s Court, the Guardian of Ter’Angres, my best friend (nearly sister)" paragraph 8. Anyways nice piece I look forward to see what you are going to do
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