FictionPress.com - let the words flow
| FictionPress.com - let the words flow |
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| Chad'sacrackhead 2006-01-18 ch 4, anon. | abuse...what the hell!? You have so many random bits that don't flow at all. Check it, you have some talent, I'll give you that but if you could possibly harness it and at least TRY to make everything easy on my delicate eyes, I'd sleep better at night. |
| Alivion 2006-01-12 ch 2,  | abuseAnd one more thing you might not know, "women" is plural. |
| Alivion 2006-01-12 ch 1, | abuseAs your editor, I'm going to point out that the title is "Paper Trail: Prologue" but is looks like you're posting more than just the prologue under that heading. You might want to fix that. And I still have the older version (and a few of your other works) posted on my account. Do you want me to take them down now that you have your own account? |
| D L Dzioba 2006-01-12 ch 2, | abuseOkay, better than the teaser. but I have a beef with it. I could be alot better. Your description has left me lacking and your disjointed style is a bit tiring. How is it that her clothes are stained with blood so badly that she has to throw out the dress, but her boyfried doesn't see it, or notice bandages and cuts/scars on her wrists. I don't like the flashes of her memory. They're too, undetailed to really envoke any emotion. Other than that, your idea seems like it could be solid, but I have no idea where you're going with it. |
| dollface and her cancer 2006-01-12 ch 1, | abuseShort, almost more of a teaser than anything. Can't wait to see you get into some substance. |
| D L Dzioba 2006-01-12 ch 1, | abuseI'm not sure this little blurb should be labled as a prologue. But, It's cute. I'll keep an eye on it. |