hmm- I dunno, I kinda liked the whole "The Dreamer dreams of onyx skies" shpiel- very shady and cool. Thank God for the writer's note, though, it clarified a lot that I didn't see before. For instance, I, secretly, don't think it makes sense in the way you wanted it too. Sorry. I'm happy you tried something new though. You'll get it right soon!

The imagery, on the other hand, was definately very satisfying to read. "Bleak pain within his heart ignites," and "a haunting cast to starlit eyes," were my favorites. So vivid! ^_^