Emily of dreams!

"All that set it apart from where one was standing was the fact that not a soul could be seen." - This sentence isn't really clear. To me, it reads rather like wherever you're standing right now, this place is different because there are no people to see here. Like an odd blanket comparison with *everywhere*.

In the third big paragraph, the first two sentences are about a different topic than the rest. They don't seem to all belong in the same paragraph.

"This was where it got weird." - But the next shows that it didn't get weird for a little bit. (A bit of a nitpick, not a big deal while I was reading).

"Our likes had never seen anything like it even in pictures." - I've heard "the likes of us" but never "our likes". Why not just use "We had never..."?

"We were well aware that the things around us were different with every step we took as we walked through the house's many rooms, for who knows how long." - While technically not a run-on sentence, there is too much going on here and it's confusing to read.

"Jace was always the more adventurous of the two" - Sounds odd when one of the two is narrating. "...the two of us" sounds better to me.

Using the M-word to describe an online environment, as well as the visuals with streaming code, seems like a bad idea to me. The Matrix movies have become so integrated into society that even subtle references will seem cheap to most readers.

As usual, I am a fan of your writing style. You put words together in a satisfying way.

On the other hand, I think this story is a difficult one to tell effectively for a few different reasons. Some I can think of off-hand is that there are a fair number of walk-on characters and a large time period is covered in a fairly short story.

There are a couple small editing concerns, like typos and commas in odd spots.

Overall, I do like the story. It deals with a lot of themes I enjoy exploring in my own writing. This has your distinct mark on it, but is not as polished as some of your other work.

Good luck, and keep writing!

excellent stuff here. very moving. I like the way Emily became slowly more and more real as she walked to her death, it was quite a real progression. good job.

Whoa. Word count's suddenly at a longer count than I ever thought, but damn, it was worth it. This, friends, is why Chagan must update more often.

That was a fun read, mmhmm. You could totally make this a full-length story, you know. I think you should. Very interesting, this world.

I'm useless. And I'm shutting up now.

Awesome! No nitpicks or anything that I can see, just a really great story. Sorry I don't have any constructive criticism for you.

*adds to favorites*