it reminds me of little kids drawing

especially "dark blue crayon linse separate the horizon"

I like this one, very good and interesting. Keep up the excellent work.~Megs

love the consistent tone (that most people would drop but you manage to retain throughout), but i'd think to slightly emphasize/change dark blue crayon lines (because a horizon i don't see as blue. unless it's an ocean. and this isn't an ocean... augh. hm.)

The last line kinda sounded...cute. (Don't ask) Hm. Interesting. There are definitely some really good comparisons here. Yet...I don't know. There's something. Ah well. Well written and good job!

the last line reminds me of making joints. i think you did a pretty good job with this. 'dark blue crayon lines' you have something good there but i'm a little... doubtful about how it places itself there. maybe you should make this poem more towards that theme or simply take out the line & put something else there. but it isn't right.

Pretty things like angels and space are command and a bit repetitive somtimes but you made this completely your own and worth reading. Good work.

yes. you have (but you write it eautifully).

~* noelle