This is interesting.

Mesmerizing! This was a complete joy to have read. This marks a new beginning in the old and now very stale literature of vampires. I see nothing that should be changed. I in fact have fallen in love with this world. I want more!

It's a wonderful start. There were a few spelling and grammatical errors, but the description and choice of words were very imaginative and held the tone you were trying to convey very well. Nice job.