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| Solemn Coyote 2006-10-07 ch 1,   | This is kinda cool. You've got a lot of unexpected, clver lines tied into the main poem without going off on tangents. Hang on. Let me organize my review a little bit here.1) "Sunset moon over a small town". Nice image. Nice juxtaposition. The succinct-ness of the sentence makes for a much stronger picture than if you said "There's a sunset moon over a small town". Although I sorta like that, too.2)"What about all these pretty places,/I want to absorb them through my heels." I might put a question mark after 'places', but otherwise you have another cool idea here. 3) I guess, most of all, "Maybe I'm Carsick" puts me in mind of a song. It has exactly that kind of rhythm. Actually, it sounds kinda like "Something Corporate" (I listen against my will, I swear), and I don't mean that in a negative way. Your poem isn't overly emotional, but it takes a strong emotion and kind of looks at it sideways, finding another way to describe it. Cool. |
| Neverlander12 2006-03-20 ch 1, | Yeah...my mother is the underaged, inexperienced driver I'm letting steer my course. Sometimes it feels like I don't really have a choice. It's either have her drive or stop putting her and my brother first. Neither one us seems to really want the second option.Anywho- (sorry for rambling) Excellent. Vivid and evocative. I love it. Smooches-CGUll_the_Wizpig |
| red amavia in the twilight 2006-01-19 ch 1, | I like the story telling aspect and narration that you give this. It’s a strong poem, it speaks to me. |