I found the last two lines kind of funny, actually. Um... sardonically funny? How sad that you swallowed perfection! I hope it was edible.

Yeah, on a more serious note this is good. It's carried along so well, and creates such a mood with so little words.

tis a bit odd, but i love the idea and the fact that it starts out with the speaker swallowing..and then theyre being swallowed, heh, muchly excellent little piece

the last two lines.

perfection.

short, but chock full of tastiness.

That rhyming couplet is just so illustrating. Concise and strong.

I like this. Great work. It's short but it just has something not many poems do...it's really amazing.

-Miss Helena Black XX

wah, the image and metophor was great~ quite original, good work

keep writing!

Those last lines make an amazing ending.