FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Twilight Starr 2007-09-28 ch 1,  | abuseGood start. This story has potential. Good luck with writing and this story. Have a wonderful day. :) ~Twilight Starr~ |
| Professor Curly 2006-02-12 ch 2, | abuseInteresting. Too early for to give any real quality ratings, but what you have is good. Has a very familiar feel with a futuristic twist. Can't wait to see more. |
| hijacked ambulance 2006-02-11 ch 1, | abusehm. it's funny how you don't even know the situation but you root for the main character. hah. jan sounds like a neat character. i like how you've started this. i'm watching it! |
| Fulcrum 2006-02-10 ch 2, | abuseInteresting first two chapters. The main character seems cool, and I want to read more about her. I look forward to seeing where this story goes. |
| GryffindorsQueen 2006-01-21 ch 1, | abusewell done. quite better than i expected for a race. i've tried to do those myself, never quite managed though. Well done, once again. |
| Colonel Andarion 2006-01-21 ch 1, | abusemy only real beef is i have no idea what an autoflyer is. maybe if you provide some sort of description so the reader knows what it is they are dealing with. other than that, very good. |
| brightflash2 2006-01-21 ch 1, | abuseWOW! That was crazy! That was really cool - i liked how you sort of threw the reader right into the story - that's really good. Without even knowing the characters, i was immediately pulled onto their side, and pulled into the story. YAY!! Two things - 1) As i know you've heard - the first sentence should probably be the first 2 sentences..or just one, if you make the "felt the engines" into "feeling the engines", with just a comma, and you wouldn't need an "And". 2) Tam's a guy? Hmm... Other than that - that was cool! I like the way this is going - keep it up! |
| Aibari 2006-01-21 ch 1, | abuse[Gritting her teeth, Jan wrenched the controls of her autoflyer to her left to avoid an oncoming craft and slammed her thumb down on the accelerator button and felt the thrust engines thunder beneath her.] That was a bit ... painful. Sorry. Try splitting it up in two sentences, or at least avoid using 'and' twice in one. Other than that, I liked this. It's a nice beginning, and I'm eager to know what's coming. Make me proud, or something. Don't let your keyboard get dusty! |