|Reviews for Somewhere Between|
| no.peace.los.angeles 3/9/07 . chapter 1
Wow, that was unexpected. I was expecting a guy chickening out on proposing to a girl, actually. And then there's a break-up? Crazy. I like all the little details in this. And you've succeeded in making me hungry. Thanks. :/ Nice work. Keep writing! :)
| Aquafied 1/29/06 . chapter 1
ah, reminds me of my i cant say quite as romantic
| elasticbobaturtle 1/27/06 . chapter 1
It amazes me how you never fail to think of the quirkiest things that always seem so...appropriate, after you think about it. Good stuff.
| frayedlifeforce 1/27/06 . chapter 1
so original and so creative. i love the way you write with such imagination - just wonderful. beautiful work.
| chaos called creation 1/27/06 . chapter 1
It gives off such a fragile feeling. One of my favourites of yours :)
| just a teardrop 1/27/06 . chapter 1
*sigh* gorgeous work as always. i love the references to food and drink. great job!
| a lonely september 1/27/06 . chapter 1
this is so different, simple, but elegant. so like life.
| angie3838 1/27/06 . chapter 1
I laughed at this; I realize it probably wasn't appropriate. I love how you cleverly "hide" what it is you wanted to say in the last stanza. And I love cheesecake, what can I say?
A few things: While I like how you just jump into the food, for me it feels like the "the" in the first stanza could be before "cheesecake", or just omitted. This is most definitely a style thing, but I thought I'd let you know anyways, in case you were unsure of how it sounded... I know that sometimes a line will sound wrong and I just need to switch a word and it sounds fine, but I need someone else to show me that.
Since "rehearsed/over two days time" is really separate from the rest of stanza two, I'm thinking you could also put it off in parenthesis. But I really like parenthesis.
Also, the "so" in the fourth stanza kinda slows down the tempo for me. And I would say "thought processes" because there's always more than one thing going on in my head.
I think ending with the Sweet'n Low is a GREAT touch. It fits in nicely with what the narrator wanted to say... the whole beat of a relationship that could have been, but wasn't is somehow related to fake sugar to me. I don't know. This made me chuckle; maybe because I haven't been there, maybe because I have. I think the food imagery is just really real and kinda absurd, but it fits so well that our only response is a smile and laugh.
I'm jealous that you thought of this first. And I really really really really really really (really!) think you should submit this somewhere, if you haven't already. It's one of your strongest. :)