Wow, that was unexpected. I was expecting a guy chickening out on proposing to a girl, actually. And then there's a break-up? Crazy. I like all the little details in this. And you've succeeded in making me hungry. Thanks. :/ Nice work. Keep writing! :)

ah, reminds me of my i cant say quite as romantic

It amazes me how you never fail to think of the quirkiest things that always seem so...appropriate, after you think about it. Good stuff.

so original and so creative. i love the way you write with such imagination - just wonderful. beautiful work.

It gives off such a fragile feeling. One of my favourites of yours :)

*sigh* gorgeous work as always. i love the references to food and drink. great job!

this is so different, simple, but elegant. so like life.

I laughed at this; I realize it probably wasn't appropriate. I love how you cleverly "hide" what it is you wanted to say in the last stanza. And I love cheesecake, what can I say?

A few things: While I like how you just jump into the food, for me it feels like the "the" in the first stanza could be before "cheesecake", or just omitted. This is most definitely a style thing, but I thought I'd let you know anyways, in case you were unsure of how it sounded... I know that sometimes a line will sound wrong and I just need to switch a word and it sounds fine, but I need someone else to show me that.

Since "rehearsed/over two days time" is really separate from the rest of stanza two, I'm thinking you could also put it off in parenthesis. But I really like parenthesis.

Also, the "so" in the fourth stanza kinda slows down the tempo for me. And I would say "thought processes" because there's always more than one thing going on in my head.

I think ending with the Sweet'n Low is a GREAT touch. It fits in nicely with what the narrator wanted to say... the whole beat of a relationship that could have been, but wasn't is somehow related to fake sugar to me. I don't know. This made me chuckle; maybe because I haven't been there, maybe because I have. I think the food imagery is just really real and kinda absurd, but it fits so well that our only response is a smile and laugh.

I'm jealous that you thought of this first. And I really really really really really really (really!) think you should submit this somewhere, if you haven't already. It's one of your strongest. :)