I like the details you included at the beginning of the chapter. Little things like the cost of the textbooks add just a bit more realism to the chapter.

Once more, you needed to add more to the dialouge paragraphs so you'd have more than just a half page of one or two-word lines. At the very least, add more "I said, he said" sort of lines so that the reader can follow the conversation a bit easier.

Although you did pretty well with tenses last chapter, this chapter you seemed to switch back and forth a lot, so watch out for that.

As a reader, I'm always a bit annoyed when the narrator directly addresses the reader (lines like "You'll think" and "you know.") It mimicks ordinary speech, but in writing it adds a sort of artificial tone to the story.

The students waited pretty long for the professor. In my experience, you're lucky if they hang around mroe than ten minutes.

The second half of the story- after Jenna meets up with Joe, is just a little bit boring. I like how you get readers involved right away, it's tough to write stories in present tense and keep the tense consistent, but you did very well. I guess part of the reason I liked this story so much is because this year is my freshman year of college, and I moved from nowhere, Iowa, to a suburb of Chicago for school, so latley I've heard all sorts of stuff about all these schools and places in Illinois, so the setting made me feel a little bit knowledgable. I'll continue reading later, keep up the good work.

Hi there. I felt like I should give you a review to thank you for the ones you gave me. I really appreciated your thoughts, and you're right. I have that tendency to write fragments :)

Anyway, I have a couple of little things to say about your story. From your review, you sound like a mature critic, so I hope you'll accept me being the same :

1) I saw what you said about not wanting to summarize, but it might be a good idea to try to give some general idea of what it's about, especially if you want more reviews. (Don't we all?)

2) You did a build-up to meeting Joe, but didn't give a physical description of him at the real meeting :(

I was waiting to see how he looked like. I assume he is the main interest? If so, we want to know if he's hot or whatever! I like that your character, Sunne, is full-figured though.

3) Maybe some conversations, like between Sunne and Melissa, could be a little longer - just for more realistic depth.

I'm not so sure about your style where you shift a lot between scenes. So far, I think you did it generally very well, but I think if you're not careful, it can sometimes be a little disorienting.

4) By the way, maybe it's just my ignorance, but what's DDR? I'm a gamer, but nothing's coming to mind right now ...

5) I noticed your character's nick is the same as yours. Is the story autobiographical? That's just curiousity, sorry ^_^

6) OK, now that I am done with the itty-bit nitpicking, I think your writing is fab, I really do. I couldn't spot any mistakes (then again it's late at night, so maybe I shouldn't trust my eyes). It's original and it does make you relate to being a poor college kid, which I am haha. I like your style a lot. It's realistic, and you do feel like you connect with the character.

Keep it up!

I'm really glad to see this Benny character in your story. He seems like he really has a lot of charisma, charm, and intellect. I also bet he's really well endowed and a stallion in the sack. You should talk about Benny a bit more, and consider developing him into some sort of a sex god.

Also, could it be possible that Joe is a homosexual?

Jenna seems like she's bored a lot. That's something I can really relate to! Or maybe he's not very social since she's shy. But, hopefully, her life can perk up a bit. Sometimes when life is really boring, it's hard to be motivated to do things.

Anyway, I really really really like this story so far. I think it has loads of potential, and it's not predictable. Also, I like the titles of your chapters. Well, I look foward to the next chapter.

Faded Soulfire

Ah, so Joe is just shy. That's cute. It's too bad they're both shy because things won't really happen. I wonder what's up with Melissa. Maybe a new friend? Who knows?

I feel really bad about Jenna. That must've been an awkward situation for her. Joe seems nice, and so does Maddy. Although they didn't seem very interested in Jenna, so I wonder why Joe invited her in the first place. I guess it was awkward for everyone involved.

Anyway,I'm really interested in this story. It's really different. I'm sad to hear that Wallflower probably won't be continued, but i'm looking forward to learning and reading more of this story.

Faded Soulfire

Good story, but I'm not so sure Melissa Danilla would like too much how obvious it is that these are real occurrences.

I liked it, although I can't exactly relate to people in college since I'm in high school. Its just a tad dull, but I have faith in you to pick it up. Im excited for the next chapter :)

Eagerly awaiting more. Haha, love teh references to DDR. Ah, college life!