sad. i will be checking back though. i really liked this story.

This was a great chapter. The stories getting more interesting by the second. well i hope you update some time soon, i want to see whats going to happen. Alyn's nice but then mean at the same time...

**AR**

I so want more. I just found it and I love it, but it just stops.:3(

This story is really good, except for a few minor grammar glitches that are easy to fix. I really want to read more; please update soon.

(:

awesome...really can't wait for the next update! i really like the idea...but maybe u could speed up a little...:)

This is an awesome story, quite and original plot, but in need of a major update soon! :]

great story you got here! keep up the great work and update soon!

kewl... i think adeliz needs to learn when to keep her mouth shut, though. threatening pirates isn't exctly the smartest hting to do. she might end up in the darwin awards someday... (if you don't know what darwin awards are, go to ). it's turning out great, though, and u shoul continue. kk? update 4 meh, now.

cool story! update soon, kay? or as soon as you can. : )

She couldn't hug him goodbye? No! That's so sad!

"They would sing to him the haunting melodies of the past and clothe him with glowing shells and fuchsia anemone" - that is just sheer poetry, man! Do you happen to write poetry, by the way?

So we're finally starting to get more insight on Cyrus. He seems like a mean, conniving b*stard, in my opinion. Adeliz is pretty young, right? He shouldn't be taking advantage of her like that.

"A freed slaver" - a slaver is someone who transports slaves. You should just put slave. _

I like how she put her hand to her neck when she saw Alyn. Very subconscious. It shows that she's afraid of what happened last time, but in a subtle way. Very realistic. Good job!

traitorous sidekick - haha! love that!

Ah, girls and their hair. XD So she was wrong about them going to kill her. Adeliz going to be licking that slime-covered floor any time soon?

So they did know she was a girl. When did that happen? Again, you might want to explain this, perhaps in a sequence of events. I thought that they thought she was still a guy.

"Beauty means nothing, wench. Learn that now. Learn it forever." - very powerful line, there. Ironic, really, coming from a vain man such as him. He speaks as though from past experience. Maybe he got dumped by a pretty girl. )

I like Charon. He seems pretty nice, for a pirate.

Uh-oh. What's wrong with Viad? *is worried all over again* He's not some kind of psycho, is he?

Why is Cassiel beating up Reid? Is Cassiel the guy who was swearing about the captain? That would suck, being picked on just because you were related to someone they hated. Although that's realistic, in a sense. If ya can't pick on the real deal, just go for their next-of-kin.

So it's an act? That's not very nice, taking advantage of the poor guy.

Why are they inviting her, now? Do they want her to use the talisman? Since it glowed, does that mean she has the power to wield it or something?

That fountain of eternal life in the beginning - I bet it was real, huh? And maybe the talisman serves as a location device to find it! Maybe Adeliz is the decendant of that original pirate and that's why it glowed when she touched it.

Arcane - ooh, good word. How can she not be afraid of the guy? I'd be afraid of him. He sounds creepy. O.o

xchoco

Ew. Slimy? What the hell?

I don't think someone's back can stand erect. A person can. "Adeliz stood erect" would work better _

I liked how she thought he was the Angel of Death. "Death was summoning her." Ha! That's a bit melodramatic, but funny. XD I'd be freaking out in her position too.

Tain, huh? So does the pirate guy think that she's a boy? *gasps* How insulting - unless . . . does she have short hair? You might want to explain that a little better. It was kinda random.

"Alyn was a conceited, insulting man and could go to hell for all she cared" Girl power!

That was so creepy! How did he know she was lying? Man, who needs a lie detector with this dude around?

I like her descriptions of Cyrus. So did she actually sleep with him or was that just part of their little dance act.

Also - Maren; was that her sister? Was Adeliz cheating with Cyrus behind her sister's back? Again, this is a little unclear. Ya might want to explain this.

James is dead in his cell? O.o How horrible!

"fowl stench" uhh this should be "foul".

The captain called her "lass". Does that mean that he knows she's not a boy? I thought he didn't know. If so, did you mean "lad", perhaps?

Why is the fact that she saw it shine a good thing? Maybe it means she's chosen for something. Oh. This does NOT look good. *bites nails*

Oh that's so sad. ( Poor James. I really liked his character.

I'm looking at the translations and "shit to you and your captain". That's pretty gutsy. *still laughing* Adeliz certainly has a lot of spunk.

xchoco

Ha ha XD Panhandling. That's awesome.

I don't think you can curl your fingers on an iron torch. But you can curl your fingers around with them.

"Heated, silky curves" I don't think I've ever heard such a poetic way to describe fire. Nice! _

Here it says, "Cyrus away from the burning heat". You mean leaned away? You should probably check this - it doesn't make sense as is.

I like her thought process after her brother ditched her. Those men weren't very nice. I laughed at his cheesy pick-up line. I suppose though the ages may change, men sure don't.

"Trading, shipping." Riight. I bet he's a pirate. *eyes shift suspiciously*

So how did Alyn know about Cyrus? I could've sworn that he said that it was no wonder he liked someone else - but wouldn't that mean he was watching them? Or maybe he's just remarkably perceptive.

Wow. Pirates work fast. They're like the mafia or something.

XD "Ah want me booty back". For some reason that made me think of this old Chili's commercial when they were singing about "Baby-back ribs".

Don't mind me. Just prattling on.

Oh dear. Looks like old Adeliz is in trouble. XD She shouldn't have stolen his boot - er - treasure.

I hope my constructive criticism's helping ya somewhat. :-) From what I've seen so far, it seems pretty clean.

xchoco

I like the decoration of the title. It's very pretty. _

"Carefully avoiding the toys he played with littered on the ground" - this seems a bit awkward to me. I'd cut it to "avoiding the toys littered on the ground"

"It would eat naughty children when no one was looking." Ha ha. That's a nice touch. XD Sounds like something MY parents would've said. O.o

When you said "taking only a few men with him" you don't need the quotes after him. Since she's telling a story, you leave the end quotes off until she's finished speaking entirely. So it would look like:

taking only a few men with him

"The powerful man was reduced to nothing . . ."

etc. I hope that made sense. English is one freaky-deaky language. _

I like the ending. XD It sorta reminds me of a cross between Tuck Everlasting and Pirates of the Carribean.

Did the pirate really get shot? I wonder if he had a son . . .

xchoco

Great story you have here! Adeliz is spoiled...but I guess that's the way I like her...and Adel is a jerk, but looks like I can't change that...I can't wait until the next chapter

This is interesting, hmm, can't wait for update.