1) Oops, I guess that you've made some typos. (Hint 1: "Intelligent without passion.") (Hint 2: I've noticed that some full stops are missing.)
2) Darla only likes to eat dessert? She has a sweet tooth, right? Haha. :)

Hmm... Darla is a warrior, which means that she's my favourite type of heroine. I bet that she must have been really feisty.

Unfortunately, I found the story somewhat empty. It was promising but failed to inspire any emotion within me. Grammar and syntax were fine, however I couldn't feel anything for the characters. Many parts of the story seemed rushed over (for example, Darla and Jacen suddenly kissing all the time despite seeming distant in the previous chapter) and I think if you were to re-edit it, it would be wise to include a lot more detail as well as working on improving your characterisation.

Furthermore, there was no real sense of time or place. Initially I assumed it was going to be a period piece. However, your use of colloquial language confused me and it seemed more modern towards the end with cookouts, etc. A lack of description is responsible for this and you might want to work on that in future.

There's a lot of potential in your writing, but also, a lot of room for improvement. Good luck.

I really enjoyed reading this story. I liked that it was short enough to read in one go, but long enough to have lots of plot development. Though there were some times where grammar/phrasing was a bit weird, on the whole the compelling story made up for it. I'm a sucker for happy endings, and this one was fantastic!

w00t. Another great story, this one is also going to be added to the list.

So I read another one of your stories, cause I did a pretty good exam today, so I thought of this as a present!
I liked it, but its not as good as your other stories!
Ciao

Aw. Cute story. I really enjoyed it!

i've read this story several times over and over, and it remains by far, my favorite [unpublished] story. I love how you showed how the two really, truly love each other...I love a lot of your stories. Please keep writing, you have incredible talent!

Super adorable
Dean and jesse i love those especially because Those are the names of hot guys on gilmore girls.
;]

kinda expected more from this..cuz ur such a good writer..all your other stories are awesome...still okay though

i hope there is a sequal to this. =)

he took that a little too camly in my opinion.

i love the "he had that look of 'touch-what-is-mine-and-I'll-kill-you-with-my-bare-hands' part. that was great

that is a nice view about death and family.

that was a really nice chapter. I'm so glad that they get along now.