So, yeah, this is another great chapter. Giving this unknown man the name of Poland because someone once told her Poland didn't exist, and him being summertime when Jack was winter, all of that stuff was just fantastic. This isn't nearly as thorough of a review as I gave for the last chapter, but you obviously know what you're doing. Keep writing! :)

Another shocking chapter. There are definitely things that worked really well in this, but there are a few awkward sentences, too. I'll explain. (Yay for in-depth reviews!)

"She had been walking for three days after a brief stretch of desperate running." - This line brings such a great image to my head. I can see her running, almost like a flashback in her mind, and that's nice.

"The hastily slipped-on shoes were flapping on her feet, their laces still untied and dragging the ground, sopping wet and ragged." - Can shoes really flap on someone's feet? I like "still untied." It shows that she never bothered to tie them in the first place. Though, with that description, you probably don't need "hastily." Adverbs are tough to use well, anyway. The rest of the sentence is a wonderful, vivid description.

"She was walking now, some place in her chest burned and rushed her on." - You've already mentioned that she was walking, so maybe this sentence could be shortened to just say her chest burned?

"All she was wearing was an oversized t-shirt from a college she forgot the name of. She didn’t look down to read it." - I love this. Such a small detail, but it shows how really out of it she is.

"The merry-go-round was spinning backwards and upside down. Jack was suspended by the noose like the pendulum of a sickening circus clock." - Suddenly, BAM! Here are these crazy images, and you know Sally has completely lost her mind. (And this is showing my nerdiness, but I just got this vivid recollection of an episode of X-Files called "Red Museum," where in the episode, one girl is walking through a forest clad in only her bra and panties, and she's shaking, scared, and sees the tree above her turn into a gigantic crow. That was random, but I got the same feeling from Sally here.)

"Sally had awoke from the look in Jack’s eyes, ones that weren’t dead." - This is really creepy. She woke up just from him looking at her? Wow. I like that.

"Her body was in tangles." - This sounds strange, but I know what you're saying. I just don't know if I like the way you phrased it.

"The feeling of the light surprised he." - "he" should be "her." Minor problem.

"She felt summer weakly pushing through the smog." - This gives me a really nice mental image, too. I like it.

"Her voice was harsh like her throat was full of autumn leaves." - OMG, I think this is my favorite line of the whole chapter. Not only do we get this fantastic visual of her throat stuffed full of leaves, but we can HEAR her voice. Amazing. And you've also went from summer to fall in a snap. Love that.

"It was probably four in the afternoon." - I love that. So simple, but such a great detail.

"The hotel room was untouched, the perfect dystopia trapped in a clouded snow globe." - I want to like this, but I'm not sure if I do yet. I did the first time reading through, but now I'm thinking it's too much of a jump to go from summer to autumn to winter in about 3 sentences.

"Something screamed at her silently like every daunting horror film music played in unison barely above the frequency humans could hear." - This sentence needs to be reworded and shortened. Two adverbs, for one, make for a weak thought, and the description is a bit much. You could try something like "Something screamed at her like the score from every horror film she'd seen played in unison." I'm not even sure if that works, but it's more coherent than what you have, if you see what I'm saying.

"There was something written on the bathroom door, she knew." - Weird, she's psychic, or just has a strong feeling. Either way, wow.

"She folded up onto the floor, the cheap carpet irritating her bare skin." - I like the description of how she just fell to the ground. Nice.

"The room looked different from this angle, she thought." - Of course it would, and it's nice that you included this.

"IT’LL BE SUMMER SOON

WENT TO POLAND

-JACK" - Creepy. That's the only word I have to describe that.

"Underneath was written, like the mocking small print on a contract for a loan you know you won’t be able to pay back." - This is an incomplete thought. You need to finish the first clause you start with "Underneath was written" and tell us what was written in the same sentence.

"Desperate hatred burnt in her stomach." - Burned? Why is it desperate?

"“No Jack! I’m not like you. Keep your ** ice cream truck and merry-go-round! I don’t need you. No.”" - I think you need to keep the exclamation points throughout this, otherwise it loses power. Also, you need a comma after the first no. (I'm the grammar police, I know.)

"Her voice broke like shards of glass inside her throat in defeat." - You don't need "in defeat" at the end of this. It's implied already and, as you have it, it's a misplaced modifier. (God, I sound like an English teacher. I'm sorry. I just am kinda a stickler about that stuff sometimes and I like to be helpful when I can.)

"She stumbled to the hotel room door and shoved her feet into her shoes, his still sitting beside them." - The detail that his shoes are still there is nice. It's like he got up and just left in a hurry, without even bothering to take the time to slip on a pair of shoes.

"The deadbolt clicked open like a jail cell." - Nice metaphor. I see what you're getting at.

"The road sign said Chicago was twenty miles away and somewhere the first ice cream trucks of summer were turning on their music, awakening nostalgia and reused melodies like daydreams before nightmares." - This is so beautifully worded. I love this.

"And Sally stumbled." - Don't we all.

Another fantastic chapter overall, just those few minor problems, but I'm sure you can fix those no problem whatsoever. I'm impressed. Keep writing! :)

I am seriously in awe of this piece. It's so strange and odd, but it works so well. There are probably people out there who actually live lives like this, which is crazy to think about. I love the last part of this and the way you used metaphors and similes in here. Nice work again. Keep writing! :)

I am not quite sure what to make of this. It's beautiful, that's for sure, and it's very disturbing and I just couldn't stop reading it because I knew there was something bad going on, but there was nothing I could do to stop it from happening. Wow. I have no idea what is actually happening in this, but I don't care. This is so enchanting that I couldn't stop reading. Keep writing! :)

Oh, Porter...oh, my dear. I think I'll go shoot myself now.

First... that was the strangest poem I've ever read, and second- it was one of the best. I like your writing style, and that you aren't afraid to write what your feel like, how you feel like doing it. And... why do ice cream men still drive during the winter... creepy.

you're very gifted.. please dont misinterpret my lack of timely reading for lack of story goodness. i just knew it was you. i had a dream after i read this... you were saying these words to me. we sat across from one another in two high-backed, red leather chairs on opposite sides of this circle rug in front of a fire place..( one of those old fashioned style ones) and a huge like mustve been bear rug on the floor... the roof was at least 18 ft high and along every wall there were bookshelves that were filled and that rose to the very top of the ceiling... it was a good dream... made me sad when i awoke