Reviews for She - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: She

Tear the top rightoffa my h... 2007-03-30 ch 1,	"her name was Andrea and this is not her story" it makes me want it to -be- her story, it teases and tantalizes and pulls and then it just...ends you're a brilliant writer
in tesseraction 2006-05-20 ch 1,	i love how this sketches around a story but doesn't color in between the lines. from the beginning, i thought this was going to be another one of the "portrait of a girl" things and then realized that i was wrong. also, the ending is perfect.
Sunami Silverblade 2006-04-05 ch 1,	Starts out seemingly lighthearted... and plummets into a haunting, rather sad piece. I like this. Very much so. The way it "plummets" in tone adds to the depth of the poem, the pain behind it all. Wonderful piece.
ii 2006-02-19 ch 1,	Creepy. I liked the descriptions and the second to last stanza. I think the last stanza could be made stronger somehow. It almost feels anticlimactic. But I enjoyed the poem.
by His blood 2006-02-19 ch 1,	normally i do not leave reviews that have nothing to do with the story, but i thought that this needed to be said. 1) in my poem 'if i could,' there actually was a typo. what you interpreted as arrogance was my mistake while typing it. i meant to say that 'i am NOT the only one who feels like this.' the intended meaning of the poem was to criticize those who judge without knowing the person him or herself or what they have gone through. i know that there are millions of people who feel the same way, and i apologize for my mistake when typing. 2) i have already admitted my immaturity in my first response to the flamers. however, i was emotional and upset. i have apologized, so please do not continue to bring up the subject of a mistake that i regret. but i will not apologize for expressing myself through poems. view it as childish, immature, etc. i will admit that i went the wrong way about it, but i find nothing wrong in saying how i feel and making my voice heard. 3) you will no longer be able to leave comments on my poetry. i am open to constructive criticism, but your comments have become personal, and i am tired of hearing it, to be honest. the fact that you apparently find me immature and childish for writing poetry about my feelings that should not be judged or torn apart, just goes to get the point of my poem 'if i could' across. think of me what you want, your opinion honestly means nothing to me. i have as much right to post my feelings and my emotions as you have the right to post poetry like this. i do not judge you as a person, i do not criticize your every mistake, i do not know you, and you do not know me. regardless of what you think of me, i refuse to let anyone criticize me for using my own style and writing about topics that are personal to me. fictionpress is about different styles and different types of people, not necessarily the generic style that you seem to hold onto. in case it matters, the dramatic style that i used has bothered me as well, and my style is now much simpler. i would appreciate if you stopped your judgements of me, as you do not know me. i have nothing against you, my respect for you may have been lost, but i do not dislike you. whatever you may have against me does not matter anymore. i have blocked you from leaving more unhelpful and personal comments on my poetry, and hope that you continue to write. that is all i have left to say. think of me what you will. thank you.
dollface and her cancer 2006-02-14 ch 1,	I used to date an Andrea. Except, ironically, she was an Andi. Anyway. That's what caught my attention about this. Initially, anyway. Once I got into the poem... yeah. I love this. The detachedness of the whole thing, like she's more of a name than an actual person. Like, okay, she died, but that's okay, because she was never really living. I like that. That bittersweetness of it.
brevis 2006-02-06 ch 1,	i found this to be quite thought-inspiring. contrary to the opinions of others, i think that the last stanza gave more closure to the piece than a more definite (is that the word?) ending might have. it leaves more room for interpretation.
Empty Jigsaw 2006-02-02 ch 1,	I love the first verse, but you must have known that, anyway. I just know that there are people who must choose their nicknames this way. The second seemed funny, though irrelevant; the two succeeding ones indicate that she was a control freak, who planned to be spontaneous and what not. This verse, however, doesn't really seem to build upon this character. Maybe add someting about her wanting to look young/ crazy or whatever, but really liking the control plaits gave her over her hair?(No, I don't feel like that about plaits; not the former, anyway ;-) ) I like the description in the third verse, the "carefully-controlled rebellion", with an exact number of units of alcohol that she's allowed to consume. Do you know that someone we know and think is neurotic cough already wonders how much alcohol she will allow herself to drink in pubs and clubs, despite the eventuality of it happening being years away. I love the fourth verse, though I can't quite imagine why... And I maintain that things do look better that way. The last full sized stanza doesn't have the impact it could have, at least on me. I think you should mix her neurosis with the revelations , like she enjoys counting her tears, or will only cry for fifteen minutes a day, between dinner and dessert (because there needs to be a small break, to let the food settle, but not too big that you can't be bothered any more) or something. Unlike your other reviewers thus far, I think it was this stanza as opposed to the final couplet that let your ending down. I thought the last two lines worked well with a constrasting statement from the previous stanzas, ending the poem with an invisible question mark: is it that this just scratches the surface? Is it that this is someone else's story as well, or instead? Whose story is it, if it's even a story at all? I think you should consider working on this, because it's a very interesting and original piece (I'm running out of adjectives, but I do like this), but has more potential than is being expressed. Especially consider the last full stanza, which could be the strongest of the poem, but which alters the mood too abruptly for the smooth transition that a neurotic such as Andrea might prefer. I hope there's something in this review that you find useful. Yours, Empty Jigsaw Xx P.S. This is an anomynous review so that, should you choose to edit your work, you can delete this review, which will have become useless. Also, so that if you think this review is useless anyway, you can just delete it now!
just a teardrop 2006-02-01 ch 1,	omg i love this! except for, as someone already said, the ending. it was kind of weak. but the rest was gorgeous. beautiful work! hmm, to add it or not... yeah, go on then!
hey maria 2006-02-01 ch 1,	I liked this as a whole but I'm not too sure about the ending. It's a good spin on the cliched melodramatic beginning of 'I'm _ and this is my story.' But it just feels incomplete.

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