You developed Phoenix really well in this chapter, it's interesting to see things from her point of view and not just Skye's all the time. I like Skye a lot too, but relate more to Phoenix. You did a good job taking characters that are pretty typical to femmeslash and then developing them and giving insight into their personalities so that they are relateable (sp?) for the reader.

Is your pen name your real name? If it is, you have a really cool name. I just realized "phoenix" is part of my pen name. Maybe that has to do with why I relate to her so much.

Keep writing!

I really like your descriptions, they have a poetic quality.

The first paragraph was duplicated for some reason, probably just a computer error. That aside, it's really cool that you're writing a sequel; Phoenix and Skye are so cool. Love the dialogue, it's really witty and cute. "Figurative sex?" I literally laughed out loud at that.

Uh... I'm wondering.. what happened...The first paragraph is repeated verbatim pretty much cept for the italics...

And the rest is okay. I must say though, I don't think that there is enough description. Another girl I read has the same problem. There is too much dialogue and not enough body.