|Reviews for Brave Deceptions|
| ham3 4/27/07 . chapter 1
Hilarious! There are so many memorable funny lines.
I think you should combine the first two paragraphs into a single paragraph.
| Megami Chibi 3/31/06 . chapter 1
Heh, This story made me laugh quite a few times. I loved it! The use Satire and wit was excelent, and although the ending did seem a little rushed, after reading your explanation it was understandable. I did think that perhaps, as Lorendiac suggested, it would be good to elaborate a little bit on the kings attitude toward Sir Pansy, and perhaps on the mysterious presence in the tower...
| Lorendiac 2/17/06 . chapter 1
I liked it! Here are some stray comments I jotted down as I went along.
* I took a moment to regain my limited composure, and then started screaming modestly. *
"Screaming modestly" is an unexpected phrase. I don't normally think of those two words as fitting together that way. The scary thing is that in context it actually makes sense to me.
* A man told me to shut up, but I didn’t. After all, no one was going to hurt me. Kidnapping then hurting a noble lady just wasn’t done. So I wasn’t scared. *
Personally, my first reaction was to expect her to get a rude awakening at that point. It was amusing to see that I was wrong and she actually had a correct understanding of the ground rules for kidnappers of nobles in this particular culture. I was still getting my bearings where the degree of humor was concerned in this story. By the time we got to the part about Sir Pancevolt being "four-time winner of the Best Smile in the Kingdom Award at our annual tournament!" I had developed a better understanding of the tone you were going for :)
* Pancevolt’s own feats of valour, which included things like curing Princess Adriana of Presore’s depression by gracing her with his glorious presence. *
But what happened after he left her presence? Did she relapse now that she couldn't gaze adoringly at him any more? (Yes, I'm nitpicking shamelessly. You don't need to address that point in your story if you don't want to.)
* “Sir Pancevolt, how did you come to be known as ‘The Brave”? I asked *
Okay, I think I see two typos in the punctuation there. I very cautiously say "I think" because other things in your story make me think you grew up with "British" rules for spelling, etc., whereas I grew up with the "American" rules, and I read somewhere that the British rules on such subjects as the placement of certain types of punctuation inside or outside of quotation marks, in certain contexts, can vary from the American style. This must be the sort of thing that George Bernard Shaw had in mind when he wrote: "England and America are two countries divided by a common language."
Okay, having firmly established a nice safe escape route for myself if I turn out to be dead wrong according to your own grammar textbooks, here is the way I probably would have punctuated the line quoted above.
“Sir Pancevolt, how did you come to be known as ‘The Brave'?” I asked
* “No, I’m going to rescue you from the evil dark knight.”
“Who is that going to be? Valbedon, whoever he is? Does he know about this?”
“Yes, Valbedon, and no, he doesn’t, but he owes me a favour from way back. He’ll do it.” *
That part made me laugh. Or snort, anyway. Good thing I wasn't drinking anything at the time! I tried to imagine how I'd react if an old acquaintance suddenly turned up on my doorstep and said, "I just kidnapped this girl. Can you hold her prisoner for a bit, until I boldly rescue her from your clutches?" without any advance notice. What if I had been in the middle of hosting somebody's wedding or some other ironclad social commitment? With friends like those, who needs enemies? :) [Note added later: Of course, later on we found they weren't such good friends as all that.]
I had a hunch Pancevolt would be called a pansy sooner or later . . . just in case you were wondering if anyone saw it coming.
I was intrigued by one or two hints that the king was less than totally convinced by Sir Pancevolt's version of events and his announced game plan for rescuing the fair Florinda. Would have been nice to be a bit more follow-up regarding just what the king's opinion of Pancevolt had always been. Was he significantly wiser about this than all those delicate young ladies who kept swooning over the young knight?
I figured I knew which knight Flory would end up marrying, but I admit I wasn't expecting Divine Intervention at the end in the classical "deus ex machina" tradition. On the other hand, that sort of thing is easier to swallow in a very humorous story than it is in something that's meant to be deadly serious.
| Yamata Dragon 2/15/06 . chapter 1
that was very cool. I like the ideas and shtuff.
| Derdekea 2/2/06 . chapter 1
konnichiwa! that rules! hahaha i haven't finised my homwork! but update soon plz! luv ** CHIBI-SAN **
Oh, how happy that made me. :D
Now that that's out of my system:Absolutely FANTABULOUS! I absolutely love it. A little rushed around the end, but then I do recall something about you writing that in two hours, so totally rocks. :)
Tata. (Stupid application thingy is bothersome)