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| Varion 2006-11-03 ch 1, anon. | abuseuh, not to be the voice of unreason here, but couldn't we have a bit more humor and comedy in the ending, like Shakespeare used to do? Sure, it's not totally realistic that teh birds will be willing to forgive their mother and become a happy family, but it'd certainly be a little more satisfying and less emotionally stressful for the reader. Maybe I just feel bad for the birdbrained mother. In any case, anything prefaced with 'comedy' had better have a happy ending in my book. I am gravely disappointed(takes up Grim Reaperesque pose by a grave). Seriously, that'd be the biggest hang up I have with this piece. I wanted to laugh at the end, no be inspired with adolescent angst and parent hatred. |
| earthsong12 2006-02-04 ch 1, anon. | abuseYay AsA, this is a cute story! I like the three hatchlings personalites. The writing itself seems a bit stiff though. A few things jumped out at me. . ."A solution to her problem came to her, as she ignored. . ." The use of 'as' here seems funny, I'm not sure why. Maybe cause it makes her ignoring them more of the main action? Also, I don't get how this is a solution. Maybe you want "explanation" instead? Another thing, the ending seems very anticlimactic. After weeks of surviving on their own, their mother returns. They face her and. . .she leaves them on their own again. Sorry if I sound harsh, I do like the plot! Except, the poor fly. . . ! ;_; ^^ |
| Maeniel 2006-02-03 ch 1,  | abuseGreat job! I really like how you protrayed the topic--not at all what I expected, but very good despite. Rheannon was a bit two-dimensional, but that's fine for this length. Again awesome job! |