Reviews for Moving in with a Vampire

Reviews For: Moving in with a Vampire - Reviews: Page 1 of 2

xoxstorii-gurrlxox 2007-03-17 ch 22,	abuseAwe..I think Shane and Kelly would be good together. They would be so cute. Lol. Update soon!
xoxstorii-gurrlxox 2007-02-17 ch 20,	abuseI wonder whats wrong with Shane..anywho..update soon! XxTaylorXx
HumanInfiltrator 2007-02-15 ch 11,	abuseYou have a solid story line here but it is a bit too simple for my taste. I would include more discriptions, what do these people look like for instance? Also there seems to be a lack of emotion, she gets attacked and goes home. Her family gets murdered, she cries for a paragraph. She finds out vamps are real and - locks her door.
xoxstorii-gurrlxox 2006-12-06 ch 19,	abuseHeyy..nice chappie, and all the ones before that I havnt reviwed. ^^ Anywho..hope yu update soon! XxTaylorXx
xoxstorii-gurrlxox 2006-04-24 ch 15,	abuseNice cliffie there. Love the story so far. Im so glad yu made it with vampires...i love the vamps..they are my fave mythological creature.Lots of loveTaylor
EarthGoddess 2006-03-27 ch 13,	abuseI am really enjoying they story. Chapter 13 could be called Flight, Finding truth, or something like that.
Alteng 2006-03-22 ch 5,	abuseSo, I take it that a vampire's bite doesn't contaminate the victim in any way. I have seen movies like that, mind you. If a vampire makes a vampire for every person bitten, then there will be a food shortage. Talking of food, I am surprised that Kelly returned to the apartment, where she is the main course on the menu. I think I would have returned to my aunt and uncle's right then and there and send for my things. Peter is a nice intriguing character. I am surprised at how much of an ** Jason turned out to be. Still, we don't know what Peter is up to.
Alteng 2006-03-22 ch 4,	abuseMessy, messy! I am glad Shane has appeared again. I was wondering how he was going to be involved in all of this. Kelly is taking all of this quite well. There is a little monster house on the corner . . . I thought when Kelly dropped her purse, Jason might have seen the phone number for Shane and would question her about it. And the line about Jason's new mortal makes this all the more mysterious indeed. What is he up to?
Alteng 2006-03-22 ch 3,	abuseThe phone calls were really well done, and I enjoyed those. There is a lot of imagination that could be used towards Jason's end of the conversation. I like how you ended this chapter, too. The first call could have been so funny . . . I know, this is not a comedy, but if Kelly had heard Peter's end of it, she could have come to the logical conclusion that they were gay lovers, then when Peter told her about them being half vampires, she could still being thinking that Jason and him were lovers. Okay, just smack me and be done with it. I would have thought that if Kelly was planning to go visit Jason because he is sick, she would bring a love offering of some chicken soup (laced heavily in garlic! I couldn't resist!) I am glad that you approached the idea of a job, because she does need to pay the bills, after all.
Alteng 2006-03-22 ch 2,	abuseSo, in the aunt and uncle, who are they related to . . . Kelly's mom? A few comments of critique here. You need to find some descriptive pronouns for your characters. The name Kelly is rather repetative. Your grammar seems pretty good, (and, mind you, I am lousy with the commas), you missed a major comma between Peter and Kelly. Oh, this is just too technical. It would be nice if you wrote a bit more descriptive stuff about Jason and Kelly's first date, like what they wore and where they went and whatnot. Ah, I take it that Peter is our long of tooth fellow (Mind you, I usually write comedy). I would think that he would be a bit sensitive about his cold flesh. He would most likely where gloves, or he might come up with a quick explanation about cold hands. Aunt Judy reminds me of my character Madelyne Preetz. She is the aunt to a group of my characters, and she has that major mother's instinct. I apparently like this story, since I am heading to Chapter 3. So, don't be downhearted by my criticism.
Alteng 2006-03-22 ch 1,	abuseHey, guys remembering birthdays don't go together well. My ex-boyfriend couldn't remember his sister's birthday, but that's beside the point! The conversation between Sane and Kelly should have been a little longer, if you were implying that he was reading her mind. Still, that was a nice touch about she didn't even know his name, then he tells her. Ah, when he gives her the phone number, does he have a sharp smile to go with it?
alexa-xox 2006-03-15 ch 10,	abuseOMG!! that was an amazing chapter! Absolutly fantastic!! I luv Kelly's character!! Its soo exciting! Damion and Peter are also very interesting characters! I think her hiding is very interesting! ^_^ PLease update soon!! I g2g...dis id kristen reviewing on behalf of alexa...great update!!
alexa-xox 2006-03-06 ch 7,	abuseOMFG!! this is soo good!! Absolutly fantastic!! Peter is sux an evil @$$! LOL...oh well...Poor Kelly, she goes through soo mux. Although i am happy she got the job!! The whole story so far is intriguing and very interesting! I am entranced about what will happen next!! Please update soon! alexa xox
alexa-xox 2006-02-20 ch 6,	abuseOMG...please update!! This story is really exciting!! I am thoroughly enjoying it and I can't wait to see were it leads!! Poor Kelly, being bitten and having people plot against her!! Yet I am soo excited!! PLease update soon!! Alexa xox
D.G.Harris (Mc Feegle 2006-02-14 ch 5,	abuseI thought the story and plot was great!! I loved how Shane came in first then suddenly Jason appered which pushed Shane to the backround. It might of been too predictable at some parts but a great tale all the same. Maybe use longer discriptive sentances. We dont know what colour Jason's hair is, or his face. Those things can really flesh out the charactures. Cant wait till the next chapter!

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