I was stunned to silence by this. It's quite possibly one of the most raw, unfettered expressions of pain that I've seen yet. You are not just an average poet...you have the skills of a true genius. Is there nothing you cannot do? ;)

begins with raw, vivid imagery, but after that it diverges from a theme. maybe expand/connect on the second half, especially the ending.

Very descriptive. The sound runs through this very well. The title makes this interesting right from the beginning. The vividness jumps off of the page well. Good work.