Wow...wicked awesome. I really enjoyed this. It is quite a transition from the Pirates phase of writing ;) You kinda sparked a little flame in me to go try and write something. hahaha. Well...cannot wait for more!!

~A.

This is very good. I like your plotline. The one thing I'd suggest- your style seems somewhat reserved. Your speech is very realistic but the narrative sounds as if you were holding something back.Sorry. I'm a very pernickety person.Otherwise, do continue :)