That really wasn't bad on many levels. Quality of writing...better than some print books I've read.
Flesh out more description, details, mechanics, actually story-board the battle scenes by drawing out pictures of where everyone is/when and what they are doing and you could really rock the fight scenes in this more effectively. Only thing I can think of that might be missing.
You have thoughts, feelings, flaws, insecurities in your characters. Excellent work. I could easily see this on shelves at Amazon if you went back and put more detail. Common error is to rush through scenes because they are good or exciting. Tell us if it is cold in the graveyard. What kind of statues are around? Delve into the Calc/vamp hunter stalker cuteness relationship and how they start becoming friends (maybe he rescues her from an ambush of bad vamps).
What does Kate really look like? Her perspective seems skewed and negative. Perhaps she could see herself in a mirror and realize vamp life agrees with her. Does drinking Damien's blood make her hair shinier? lol

Eugh, i hate 'youve already reviewed this chapter' code rejection, its so inconvenient!
Anyway, just re-read the book as i often do with my favourites as its getting hard to find good supernatural stories nowdays. I love that ending, cheesy as it is, it was a great way to end it! I think damien and calc are my favourite characters in this story, calc just because hes awesome and damien because hes so interesting and sexy lol. I have to admit some of the lines said while having sex were a little cheesy for me, but i didnt notice them the first time i read it for some reson, and kate kept on repeating throughout the story that she was 'not some weak little she-vamp' which got kind of annoying after a while because it was the same sentence over and over again. But, the plot is brilliant, it keeps me hooked until the very end! :D

Love the story! Well done!

this is definitely one of the best stories ive ever read on fictionpress. youre a great writer, keep it up. I absolutely love kate and damien(sp? i cant remember lol)together. Gotta say, i liked the idea of calc and jessica together too tho lol.

-Chey

I really liked your story! Its was Awesome!

The story was a good read, thank you so much. I really liked the characters and I found them very funny as well. Well done.

This was adorable and thanks for not too many details :) I skipped over! But this story was absoulutely fantastic!

ahh, I love this! it was so cute. good work! =)

"Don’t make me jiggle my love handles at you to make you believe it."

LOL that made me laugh :D!

Amazing story. When I read the first chapter, my thoughts were, 'Great,another cliche.' However, by the end of the second chapter, I realised it was not another 'average cliche' but a fantastic story involving vampires. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, I loved the story and good job.

Comment continuing.. I still like it. =) Oh by the way, just a small thing, but why is it she gives the full exact change like 12 dollars and 58 cents for example (although I don't actually remember what the change given both times were). I mean don't you round it off when giving change? Like 60 cents?

Just needed to add, if you don't want to read all of this hideously long comment and skip to the important bit, read the LAST line in CAPS only (as well as this sentence otherwise you wouldn't know to skip all that stuff in the middle). Okay so the reason why I generally only read completed stories now is so that I can give myself the privilege of not sleeping and reading to my heart's content. That and also saving my lazy self from typing reviews after every chapter. THAT being said, yes I am currently reviewing your second chapter. Really, you should be proud of yourself for making me do this. So anyway, to the point, I like the way you write. I also like the fact that your vocabulary is pretty good (unfortunately mine obviously isn't because I am having a mind blank as to how to replace the word good with something slightly more impressive). I can't, however, say it is absolutely magnificent, because really, using words that are 548396739884 letters long consistently makes for a stupid un-understandable story. That being said I approve of your grammar too (hardly any errors, no major errors and one or two minor errors, or perhaps that's me confusing this story with the grammar mistakes from someone else's story). All in all, I LIKE THIS STORY ALREADY, WELL DONE. There, now didn't that save you some time? Seeyou.

I have to say, I really enjoyed this story. I can't wait to read your others!

Good first chapter, I'll read and review later.

I`m enjoying your story so far- but I have to comment on the part where the guy was buying a magazine and she said

`That’ll come to fifty-seven forty-two.”

...that is an expensive ** magazine! lol