 gn0sis 2006-02-05 . chapter 1At least going with my own experience, your depiction is accurate enough to be inspired! :)
Good story; the only thing you might want to do is touch up the end. Instead of using capital letters, try using words that convey the feeling of caps in your mind. Also, try to expand or describe better the last line about eternal pain to make it feel less anticlimatic.
Great story! |