Reviews for The Somber Hymn: Black Angel Feathers

Reviews For: The Somber Hymn: Black Angel Feathers

Fiore Chnudth 2006-10-04 ch 1,	It has been my wont lately to be very critical, so keep this in mind when reading this review. I think the opening verse or poem or what you would call it, to be very good. I think this to be the best part of this piece actually. I had suspected that there would be some references to it throughout the story, but I failed to see them. And this poem was the only thing that to me had anything to do with the title. I think the story itself to be okay written. To me however, the things that are most obvious is though, what I didn't like. I think you have a tendency of repeating yourself with double lines, so to speak. And you do this all the time, which to me gives a feel of uncertainty on your part. It makes me doubt that you are or think yourself capable of describing through one sentence. A few random examples: "the word strange to me; a foreign concept", "felt like rape, the worst violation" and "vanishing act, vampires too fast for human eyes". The first example was in dialogue which to some degree makes it alright, but when dialogue and narration is the same, it gives a feel of lack of diversity. In the beginning there were short lines, stating a single feeling or thought. These I thought were good. The story was very concrete, meaning that it didn't really have a plot. This I have no problem with, although I thought it a bit long. I know this is an arrogant position to take, and I appologise, but the impression I'm left with is that maybe you wrote this to satisfy someone's need. All these double lines and explanations, make me wonder if maybe you tried to please the teacher too much. This is what it feels like. I hope someday to see a piece that shows you in more trust of your talent. For this piece didn't show this to me; this piece showed someone insecure. Hope these words didn't hit you too hard. I hope they are to some degree seen as a constructive criticism - this was the intent anyway. KH KHL
Autumn's Colors 2006-09-19 ch 1,	I liked it. ^^ I loved the part about drinking fae blood being like liquid sunshine especially. There are some simple mistakes like missing words and such, so reading the piece out loud should fix them for you. I'd love to read more on these characters if you ever feel like it. ^_^
INKY 2006-03-05 ch 1,	Oh, Mina, you outdo yourself. So much stuff that I love in this! Your descriptions seriously kick the ** of my sorry attempts at illustration. Honestly. Look at this: "Rynaiia had died not of the wound or loss of blood, but of a broken heart, walking out into the sunlight like someone possessed." Oh, I love this. Also because I;m obsessed with the idea of 'romantic love' in which you're willing to die for your lover, because living without them is incomprehensible. (Yes, Wuthering Heights rocks my world). But yes, so good and delicious. I'm a romantic, what can I say?Oh, and not to forget this description-"a puppet pulled up by strings from where she lay." Dang, that was sweet. I'm so envious... And this one, too- "statue of white marble, as if placed to contrast the climbing black walls." That entire 'throne-room' type place was extremely cool. So gothic and elegant. I loved the whole description of it. Such a cool seting. Aww, and I like Morris. He's a sweet guy. A good supporting character for a short story. gloms onto him Hahaha, and I adore the end. Maybe she'll find some happiness, after all. Cirrus is only after her heart. Aww, so cute and wonderful. I'm glad he's not a nasty meanie. And because there's a relatively open ending, I'm going to imagine that they get together and live happily for a long while. Hee, and when she first thought that Darren was, um, feeding/with another vampyre, I immediately thought of Cirrus... and yay, I was right! Cirrus's interest in her isn't malevolent- wonderful! But I feel left out because I have no idea what HIM is. What is it? Should I know? Ga. I totally enjoyed it! Most enjoyable vampire fic, ever! Again, I loved that it wasn't all dark and morbid and depressing with all the characters turning on and betraying and hating each other. It was a nice contrast to the others I've attempted to read.. and I'm not saying that it was fluffy because it wasn't morbid, I'm just rying to say that.. well, it wasn't determined on being depressing, and I loved it! Whew, alright, time to have some real breakfast and get going! love Til next time, Mina! Inky
The Inkslinger 2006-03-02 ch 1,	Mina, you're a God. First, I didn't like poetry. And then I read yours. I loved it. Then, I decided I didn't like vampire stories. And then I read yours. And am enthralled. The antagonism between Marina and Cirrus is positively -delicious-. Yes, and I really like how they don't have to go out and kill every night... too violent and horrible. Probably one of the reasons why I was never very into vampire stories. But oh, my most absolute favorite line: "Strange thing, breathing. It was merely a habit of the living. Marina was dead, and not breathing wouldn’t make her any deader." I just about died snickering. Such wry humor.. Oh, love it. And my most absolute favorite description from this would have to be: "Marina had faded into a fit of comatose loathing, her body motionless, dead, and breathless." I'm not sure why, but it's just so vivid and fitting. It's perfect. I had to stop and admire it. Really, I paused reading and thought to myself "Damn, that is one sweet description!" :) This is for your Creative Writing class? That's so awesome. I am envious of you-- but you'd better get a good grade. Then again, who can tell.. sometimes those profs are so ricidulously subjective... but yes, can't wait for the second half! More Cirrus/Mirana goodness to look foward to! I am very much intrigued... and wondering what's going to happen between those two... oh, how you kill me with this teasing. Hey! You didn't tell me about the AntiThesis Common! (Shame on you)That's incredible-- the being singled out to be published! Hah, and I always new your poetry kicked serious *. But yes, that's unbelievably cool! You must be very happy! If only they hadn't made a fuss over your name. It's silly. What's wrong with screen names, anyway? Hmh. But you won AND got your poems published in the end, and I suppose that's all that matters when it comes down to it. Wow, now I feel like I know a celebrity. I can say my friend got -published- ! Ho ho ho, I shall now live vivariously through you, Mina. (I think I spelt that wrong.. oh, such is life). Still.. I can't get over how neat that is that they e-mailed you about it... pretty flattering stuff, I would imagine! Hah, if I wanted to have anything published under my alias, then my first name would have to be The. Hee hee hee. Oh, I just read the note at the very, very bottom. Um.. But I can't think of anything for constructive criticism. (The people in my writing club used to go bonkers if you'd comment-"I like it, it's good." Eh.. I would never do that to you.) But honestly, I can't think of anything, except what I pointed out as highlights which really stood out to me as particularily excellet segments to the story.. Hmm, so now, the customary urging of you to update!! (But actually, what I really want is for you to update TOD first... because I am selfish and evil and CAN'T WAIT!) Okay, okay. love love love* Wonderful as always, Mina! -THE inkslinger. Oh wait, I have one more coment!! I'm glad you didn't give them "The C Poem." It was probably wise of you to hold onto it, and just... I don't know, it's too- I don't even know the word, but it would be -fair/just- to that poem to let someone else publish it like that. Does that make sense? I adore that poem so much, I just wanted to let you know that.. for some reason I'm relieved you didn't give it up. I hope that doesn't seem strange... Oh, heck. You already know I'm nuts. It's why we get along so fabulously, I'm sure. Okay, leaving you in peace now. Except for one more spaz- "OH MY GOD, TOD!"
AmazonMink 2006-02-06 ch 1,	Mina! Ohohoh.. I love. Wondermous Valentines treat of vampir-y goodness. >.< Oh.. and "They're blood is liquid sunshine " should be "their" Call me love. let me know you're alive. ~me
Herenya 2006-02-05 ch 1,	I love it! Probably because I love vampire stories..."sweeping down in dramatic red fabrics and gold paints to kiss the edge of the marble floors." I can really see that. I love that line. Cirrus reminds me of a vampire from the Anita Blake series that I'm addicted to. The scars on his face and body from the burns...Asher I think is his name. I don't remember. I can't wait until you have the rest of it up.
gn0sis 2006-02-05 ch 1,	As much as the stereotypical "evil" or "vampire" story infuriates me, you managed to pull this off more than just exceedingly well. Your writing style and lack of most of the cliches that accompany the genre do much to add to the greatness of the story. I look forward to more.

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