That's okay Ake-chan! Better late than never...and besides, how late are most of MY works anyways? LOL! Anyway, this chapter is a step down in the drama department, especially in light of the last chapter and how intense it was. But that's a good thing! You don't want to overexpose the readers to too much drama at once. I find myself liking this chapter simply for the light mood it sets and the appearance of Twink and Bark. With the promise she made to help them at the end of this chapter, things should definitely be getting a bit more interesting from this point out. As usual, your overall flow was very good with this chapter. I found some errors with grammar and spelling, but I lost them and can't for the life of me seem to find them now! LOL! But do go back over your work because I know that they were there. I really liked this chapter of 'I Wish' Ake-chan so do hurry with the next! 'Cause you I'll be there to review it...no matter how long it takes...

See you next review!

Terryll Preston, still2twisted of Fictionpress fame...

Interesting, I think, is the best word to describe this.

The characters, Alice in particular, are amazing and their dynamic, their symbiotic relationship with the Lord is just too good for words. Its addicting, really, how they react to this world. Alice is so fragle in the moments discussing her Lord, she doesn't get fragile or wax-poetic lines while narrating her tale and that makes her an intriquing choice to build the fondation of the story on. She, also, is intriquing and just plain sexy in that she doesn't hate her sister(or sisters, whichever you prefer); she still loves them but the tension is evident and yet, she is so cold to it. Maybe I am just looking too deep into it.

Yeah, I think I am.

The best thing thought is the dialog, while the narrative was pleasant and so was the imagery, which was near non-exsistant in the first few lines of the story, but the dialog sets up the atmosphere, the characters reactions and relationship with one another and the characters personality itself. It is done skillfully, I must say.

:D Yes, I adored it and can not wait to see how this progresses and I *promise* to review the rest of your fic later.

- as beauty dies

Hey Ake-chan, since you're feeling down and everything, I was hoping that this review would cheer you up. So, I hope that everything goes all right with you, and if you need anything, I'll try to help you. I know that writers love getting comments on their writing, and since you're in such a downer state right now, I think that a review of mine should be just the thing that should cheer you up!

First off, this is a brilliant story, and this is easily one of my favorites, because I love the characters that you've introduced (especially Alice, and we get to see a deeper characterization of her here along with her relationship with the Lord...and also...I got spoilers before everyone else! XP) It's interesting that we get to see the world from Alice's eyes, and her voice in the narrative is strong as always, just like the voice of an innocent child. She's a hard character to dislike, and she of course, is my favorite character (though I can't wait to see the rest of the cast to be introduced into the story). Her naievte and bright child-like nature is quite endearing, and her confusion about seeing the horse for the very first time was priceless XD This also signifies the start of Alice's way towards maturation, where she is finally beginning to experience things beyond the wall and beyond the sanctuary where she had resided with her Lord. You introduced secondary characters extremely well, and their personalities really shine through in this chapter. Laird, even though (and unfortunately) we only see him for only this chapter, he really puts readers at ease and let them know that he's a really good guy at heart, and a likeable character. This builds tension and dislike towards the man that killed him and the men that were associated with him, and this shows the extremes on the human spectrum: good and evil.

From her Lord's teachings, we see a dual personality in Alice; something completely different from her normal innocent nature into a terrifying, merciless entity that killed in the name of justice, even though the perception it was taught had been skewed, we know that Alice is an earnest, innocent person that loves her Lord wholeheartedly, and she would do absolutely everything for him, as proven in this chapter. As Terryll had said, the very end was touching, dramatic, and it just really tugged at the heartstrings, because Alice's poignant words to Matilda, that she had killed the men because they had killed 'Papa'. Such an utter play of brilliance there, and this really reads out like an anime or manga...did I mention I loved Alice X3

Brilliant chapter.

Awesome storytelling.

Overall excellence.

Alice is love.

Alice > infinineth power XD

So, I hope you feel better soon.

chibichocobo

This was a powerful chapter, Ake-chan. I really love how worded it and played around with Alice's view on the world, however one-sided and scewed it might be from the teachings of her master. Her reactions and accpetance of the family that took her in was very nicely written, and her anger towards the men who killed 'pappa' was equally well-handled. The brutality and sheer violence that her and Hiero unleashed upon those men was nothing short of primal justice. And the ending where she realizes what she did and smiled before speaking was was a brilliant play of her innocence and naiveity (sp?) versus her brutal and violent side born of an uncontrollable rage. Well done, Ake-chan, and I'm looking very forward to more!

See you next review!

Terryll Preston, still2twisted of Fictionpress fame...

Please forgive me for taking such a long time to respond to this story, Ake-chan. Gomen, you have my sincerest apologies *bows*

Anyways, onto the actual part of the review now. What to say, what to say. Well, the one thing that I have to note about this story is the adorable and innocent character, who has an irresistably charming nature that is pure. It is true that there's not much description on the world itself, or perhaps it's a surreal, dream-like world in which it has lots of mystery like the Lord himself? I did find it a bit odd that Helm had a flamethrower, since in my mind, this world would have been set in a more feudal era in a fantasy-like land. Ah, but the characters are the ones that really drive the story, and they more than compensate for the setting description. Helm...is simply a sadistic, cruel, heartless, and evil...**. I'm sorry I had to resort to obscenities there, but, ugh, Helm is just a very convincing villain. Congrats to you, Ake-chan, for making a solid antagonist for our beloved protagonist, Alice. It is said that if a character makes a reader love or hate them with intensity, that means that they are a well crafted character. I hope to see more on Mary, and to know what exactly her role is within the story (it is mentioned that she is more neutral, so that means she can probably be a pawn either to the good side of the bad side...possibly a conflict in the near future?) Mm, anyway, as for the prose itself, I think that it was well-executed, considering that it was done in first person, which is quite hard to pull off at times. The character voice is very clear and distinct, and has a nice, lyrical flow to it. I think that this would be the first story that you have used first-person...unless if I'm mistaken. My mind is known to do some record skips, and I forget some things.

My final notes in the conclusion of this review?

Excellent job.

chibichocobo

Hmm, flamethrowers, magic forests, magic armor, glass tables, nope, I still have no idea if this story takes place in any particular era. But that's okay, as it gives this story its own uniqueness. So, we finally meet her two siblings. One is psychotic, the other mitigates between the other two. Well, still too early to see where this is going, but I suppose you already know. This story is still interesting though. The lord seems nice enough, but yet wants the forest destroyed for his own vengeance, and yet doesn't want certain creatures to be destroyed. Yup; he's a mystery.Keep writing!Peace out!

YES! By all means, prioritize this one to the first spot on your rather lengthy update list! This story is superb and the amount of effort put into it is more than obvious! I love the fact that the Lord is a complete and total mystery. Hmm..I sense something darker in the works for that man... And Helm! Man, what a **! Jeez, she reminds me of Hyyakazi Yumi! LOL! What a battle THAT would be! But nayways, you have done another exceptional job on this chapter, Ake-chan. The flow and wording remain top-notch and, as with the first chapter, this one yanks you right in and refuses to let you go until you reach the end. Again, good, great, AWESOME work! I shall wait with eager giddyness for the next chapter!

See you next review!

Terryll Preston, still2twisted of Fictionpress fame...

Hello, Ake-chan.

It's been a while since I've read anything by you. I'm glad to see that you've updated though, and it's a wonderful refreshing piece. I liked the relationship between the Lord and Alice, and despite the taboo that is within the relationship they have, it holds a more complex and profound meaning that transcends the master/servant role. I think that this is a highly intriguing piece, and the voice of Alice coming through the writing shines with three-dimensional brilliance...the innocence that is portrayed through her actions and her dialogue is endearing, the reader can't help but be charmed by her naive and loveable nature. This is a poignant, touching story, and it's interesting to see that it was actually spun out from the products of a dream the overconsumption of juice XD

I shall look forward for more of this fabulous story.

chibichocobo

Okay, should I even wonder how old her lord is? I guess you already have a reason for this, so I won't venture any further with that.Alice seems pretty simple minded, no? But at least she has good morals.So, what setting does this story take place in? I can think of several environments, and none of them are probably right. You did do a good job with the other details though.The dialogue was where this story shines. Both of the characters felt alive, reacting to each other in perfect voice for a lord/servant relation.Overall, this story can grab people. Nice touch using the first person style: a lot of resources get pushed out the window if you choose that style. You pull it off quite nicely.

Keep writing!Peace out!

Very nice ^^ I love how you have written this, keep up the great work. ^_~

Nicely done Ake-chan! Sorry that I haven't been around recently to review you or posted anything new in a while, but I'v e been in a serious funk for the past few months. However, my creative juices are flowing again and work has begun on the Chapter 9 of 'Akai Ame: the red rain'! I'm a whole 12 pages into it and not even halfway done yet! Talk about a long chapter! LOL!

Anyways, I found this story to be a very nice and interesting little peice of fiction. I like the fact that you placed it in the first person and have already begun to weave and interweave personality faults and character interaction together. I find myself impressed by this and see that your talents at writing have really only improved while I was taking my 'sabbatical' from writing. The flow found here is never stunted or interrupted, moving along at a brisk pace and keeping the reader into it until the end comes upon them rather abruptly. It definitely left me wanting more, Ake-chan! The fact that this comes from a dream you had is very interesting indeed. I hope you plan on continuing this story and I hope that I keep coming back to give you review after review! LOL!

Oh, and by the way, where's the next chapter of 'DoRm LiFe Yumi YUMI!' at? Huh? Huh? I was really starting to get into it and then you just disappeared all of a sudden! LOL! Come on girl! Let's keep our little side project going strong! You get that second chapter up and I get started on the third...deal?

Well, I gotta go! Laters Ake-chan and keep up the good work!

See you next review!

Terryll Preston, still2twisted of FictionPress fame...