This is nice and all, but it lacks originality. Peter Parker and Bruce Wayne, much? It's almost the exact same scenario with Instinct: Loving family member gets killed by someone, superhero wants revenge, superhero gets revenge. I might even go as far as to say that Instinct is your version of a cross between Spiderman and Batman. So yeah, nice story, really. Just a rehash of another story.

Also, getting into the nuts and bolts of your story, your paragraphs are way too big. Chop them up into smaller ones, it's easier on the eyes, and start a new paragraph whenever someone speaks.

Two major problems:
First, you need to show his life and not tell it and only the parts important to the plot.
Second, you need to learn how to properly use paragraphs. It's not a poem, they don't all need to look the same. Your supposed to start a new paragraph when (1) someone new speaks, and (2) when you begin on a different subject.

Nathan210

Not bad. I enjoy superhero stories, and this one is no exception. In "Instinct's Origin," it was cool to see that you provided a motivation for Ben to fight crime--the mysterious murder of his brother--and a world for Ben to inhabit. The world of this story was explained pretty well. However, I don't see a point to you listing out all of Ben's friends. If they are going to be used for something in the future, then I can understand it as build-up.

Interesting use of introducing a love interest: Maylu. It's obvious that Ben tackles the torments of the average man with his inability to talk to cute girls. I'm sure he'll get better at it though, as all superheroes do eventually.

Unfortunately, not everything about this installment was brilliant. My biggest criticism is the format of the writing. It's very difficult to read with all that dialogue and description clustered together. My advice is to space it out: give dialogue its own line, for instance. The reading, then, will become much more enjoyable.

If you get a chance, go back and fix that.

Now that I've said my piece, I wish you well! Thanks for sharing!