aw... it's sad but it's kinda true. the world seems to be falling apart all over. nice poem tho and well written. keep writing!

Well, I like it. I'm not too sure what it's about but it is well written nonetheless.

not that choppy... mine are so much worse choppy...lol

i love the part abt Heaven's gates have closed. great line.

this is sad and good i like and it wasn't confusing to me at all

Hello, elfy. Wow, sorta depressing (though you did warn the reader: angst alert!).

I like the rhythm in the repeated lines, "children screaming, parents not breathing, what, what has this world come to?". 1 2 3 4, 1+2 3 4, 1 rest, 1+2 3 4 1. Sweet. And while you did warn confusing at the end, I think that there can be some inferences drawn for each reader for themselves, which points to good strong poetry. What happened does not have to be answered. And though it was depressing, it was good. Until next time, ~Shadow

Have you ever considered turning this into a song? It has a really cool lyrical quality about it. I can easily see it turned into a song of any genre, from pop to opera to metal.

The one thing I didn't like was that you seemed to think you needed puncuation after every line: this isn't true. For instance, instead of "The children,//Are going insane," you would have "The children//Are going insane." I find that, when I'm working with poetry where breaking the lines may be awkward, I write out the lines in sentence form to see how they would be punctuated. That was all I saw wrong with this.

yes- i play cello, acoustic guitar, electric guitar, and i'm learning mandolin. good poem btw.~dropsofjewpitr~

wow! this is very powerful... i really like it. amazing job!

i like the way this is written. it flows well. it sounds cool to read out loud. i liked it.

that's good . . . .sort of wierd but I liked it!

I liked the overall thought in this piece, but all the questions make it seem like instead of telling a story or informing people, you're just asking a bunch of questions to try to have people "end" the story how they want.

That's interesting but I think since you're writing it, you should talk about all of the outcomes.

Awsome...Incredable...Loved it

i liked the meaning in this~ good work

keep writing!

Nice. I like the idea behind it, I totally agree. I love the repetition with the whole "What, what has this world come to?" The two whats make it seem like a song.

I don't like the stanza "Where are the parents?/What has happened to them?/Where are now the children?/Don’t tell me they are dead too."

It's not very rhythmic. I'd go back and redo that stanza, or take it out, or something.

Very pofound piece. Nicely done.