 effervescent-sentiments 2008-05-16 . chapter 1Sweet. And nice job for your first poem, as well! I know it's a difficult transition.
A note: I would not switch between metaphor and similie. You have "life is an -" and "life is like an -". To make it smoother, I'd stick to the direct metaphor - and also, it makes for a more interesting comparison. Life is a ghost. I like it. :)
Nice work. |
 Brock Adams 2006-04-28 . chapter 1 Wow...This is truly driven on inspiration from the heart and soul. A true Adams trait. Your grandfather would be touched by the honesty of your words. Good job.. This is the kind of stuff I used to do in my high school creative writing class. I got so carried away with the class that I wrote an entire book of poems and gave it to one of the girls I was dating at the time...who knows maybe she still has it tucked away in some chest of drawers:):):) |
 A Beautiful Nightmare 2006-04-08 . chapter 1Wow. I like it. The free verse style is a very nice and different change. However, you had some mistakes. "have actually" and "even tears"... You forgot to space them. Also, I think you need to proofread your punctuations... they were a bit there yet not there... overall, this was well written... keep it up! |
 pianomasterette 2006-02-25 . chapter 1I thought this was a great poem, and you're very right about love. It's something that you can feel and acknowlege and you can identify things with it..but the fullness of it shall never be explained. Overall, brilliant work! |
 mizu no kokoro 2006-02-13 . chapter 1haha~ love is an ambiguous thing~ i have yet to believe in it~ but great job on this~
keep writing! |