Reviews for There's This Place

Reviews For: There's This Place

befuddled 2006-02-22 ch 1,	abuseother people dont know what they're talking about coughi'm not naming namescough i love it. i'll be waiting for more and, like i said, i'm hooked in. :D keep it up
Kanilla 2006-02-22 ch 1,	abuseDearest, you writing a story and publishing it now? A change from the poems? Na, change is good!(even if I LOVE the poemsheart). It's a somewhat odd story, but it got me interested! I'm wondering about who this person may be...So I'll look forward to get to know more about him!(hopefully we will?) Keep up the work dearest! Hugs
K. Silence 2006-02-19 ch 1,	abuseOkay, well I'm not sure what's going on here. There were a lot of mistakes. A lot of improvement to this should be done to make things clearer for the reader. A lot of stuff was really well written, but mostly single line stuff. It was good then bad then good then bad. There is a lot of description of things around him but nothing's really happening. Try to unnoticably throw in details. Instead of (example: "The light bounced off the wooden table" add something he's doing to make the description just melt into the characters actions. (example: The light bounced off of the wooden table as he blah blah blah..." you get it, right? The character is the person people identfy with, and want to know about. Readers don't care to know much about the setting, maybe just the basics. What does he look like? How old? Unless there is a hidden meaning behind him usually it's uneccessary to keep the identy hidden. On Chapter 2? I think that's chapter 2, I don't know who "He" is. I think that needs to be clearer. Maybe try to begin the story with a bang also. I think it could start out faster, and more explanatory of why he's doing this because we're in the now and we (the reader) have to be brought up to speed. Not everything about them, just casual basics, because that can get also be messy. And damn dude's hardcore if he can drink a pint of wiskey, although anything's possible. Anyway, I'm really interested to know where you're going with this piece, maybe you meant for it to be a mystery, so continue.

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