i agree with D.M. Ralte; your imagery is really effective. We really see the pain of the person and their fear of death/the unknown and their inner demons. This is really good.

Really

Wow. two words. AMAY-ZING imagery. "bones rattling; silver steel chains cutting into my flesh; crimson rivers flow; covering the earth". ooh...goosepimples! "darkness shrouds me now"..wow. very nice. yeah, pretty dark stuff, but quite, quite good!

Like this, the short, cliped steninces, very cool effect.

I'm sorry this took so long to review- but you know me...This is seriously amazing. I really adore the way you write, you know that. My favourie bit was "Me. Just me." That was just clever and chilling at the same time. The use of repetition and rhetorical questions fit well and it all flows in a jerky yet seemingly flawless way. It's beautiful. It's great to read your poetry/shorts because they're always amazing...Keep it up bumblebee! x

This was really good! Alot of emotion came through and it was really sad in a number of ways. Yes, it was short, but I still liked it and it was a good read :)! Keep up the good work!

CK

very dark, i like it espeacialy the way your fear of not knowing is expressed

Oh, wow. Very nice! :D So deep and dark, murky depths... Buahaaha...

Oh, just so you know, I got up another chapter of Riverdance. :D

3:44 pm

This WAS NOT stupidly short.

First of all, I'd like to say that this has an awesome title. It really made me interested. Honest. None of that flowery-make-it-look-good-so-she'll-like-mestuff. Niete... I thinnk that's how you spell it...

So, anyway, it really was one of the best things I've read! Seriously! The detail flowed through me as if I could feel what the protagonist felt(girl or guy?). Twas a good writing.

Happy Sailing, and while your at it, UPDATE ON CRIMSON EYES!

*silent darkness*

Wow. Disturbing. Suicide or murder? Probably suicide. Damn, this was deep. Me likey. (Go Manchester United! And Bayern Munich, them too!)

I like it! It's very poetic, a little short. But it does seem a bit more like a poem than a short story. Very lyrical. Wonderful!

The Scottish Dragon

Who also is guilty of not updating!

Hey! I love this.

"Me. Just me. I just exist." Really nicely written.

"I’m afraid; afraid of what I cannot see or hear or smell or touch or taste. The unknown." That's really nicely written as well.

You capture an emotion, a moment so well, I'm awed. It's so perfectly structured and written- very clear, and yet somehow elusive as well.

I don't think it's stupidly short- if you made it longer, it wouldn't work. ;-D

Really lovely. Coolios. Keep writing!

o lovely and dark I loke I like, it's like you've painted smeones pain on canvas...I like the descriptions o I hope there are more or was it a one off 0o;; lol I love it and you're continued use of decription!

toodley oodley

the coffee wielding one...

This is utterly incredible. I felt close to tears, it seems so real! Wonderfully written, with one-worded sentences that add to the poignancy of the piece, and short paragraphs. Well done! I'm adding this to my Favourites.

It might be short, but it's a strong piece. It was steady from the beginning to the end, and had great imagery. Keep it up

so sensous, you can feel it, it's very touching, i'm honoured to have read it. love the imagery, the sentence structure, everything is perfect.