I really liked it! the end too, so I think you should leave it the way it is...! =]

I liked all of it really, you really don't have to delete the whole thing, maybe a little more imagery would do fine, but the whole thing seemed to fit. Maybe the ending could be fixed because it sounded a little bit cheesy, though I love the reality in this. Well done, i must say.

the beginning is great! the ending changes the whole perspective of the poem, but the last line is amazing, so I don't know... sorry. but lovely work!