"you are the only heartbeat for a thousand miles." what is wrong with me that i'm not you. you, amazing.

I like this especially the begining and the last line iawesome.. awesome piece

wow 'if you weren't spun through with nicetiesand I wasn't fresh out of courage,we'd be swept into that mess of half-felt dreaming...' flawless lines right there, powerful ending as well.

thanks for all your constructive criticism =) (fixing up the eighth chapter now) the twelfth chapter is suppose to be the note he gave her, but i guess it wasn't that clear huh? maybe i'll rewrite that one...

"I mean, if you were less you and I wasn't methis love would run so smoothly" you know this is so true. It hits home with me...these few lines.

I think we create our own freaking relationships because we want something more out of life and out of people so we pretend they are what we want them to be. Okay enough of my ranting lol.

This was of course a beautiful piece as all your are beti... you are one of my favorite poets on here and I am always pleased to read your piece. I liked this... it sort of lured me in. Maybe because I can relate to it.

Good piece... keep writing *smile*

Another lovely poem. I was always think of the word "pretty" in regard to your poetry, because it's beautiful in a very subtle and innocent way. It makes me think of young girls with flowers in their hair and love and purity.

-I walk across asphalt with Hemingway in trembling hands- Awesome, awesome opening line!

-I sign "I love you" to book racks in the library, / still cut with unfamiliar thoughts / (I love you / I love you- I really like this part. That is so adorable, to me-- the image of someone walking through bookshelves, talking to the books because they talk to her. "I love you, I love you" I could say that in some sense, about quite a few books. ;) Especially if we're talkin' Tennyson, Byron, Longfellow!!

-skin brushes metal and / north/south/poles/ / skates off.- I don't really get that. The whole north/south poles part.

-I mean, if you were less you and I wasn't me / this love would run so smoothly.- So sad, and so beautifully put.

-I am a whirlpool of discontent- Gorgeous line, Beti! It really sums up that whole verse perfectly!

-you are the only heartbeat for a thousand miles.- Okay, that's my favourite line. :) I always noticing the first line and the last line of a piece, in particular; and you're good at making both insightful. To me, the last few lines need to wrap a piece up, engulfing the feeling the author has been building on- like the climax to a Beethoven symphony. That line does it, man. So pretty! :D

-I walk across asphalt with Hemingway in trembling hands / wind slashing through me and sliding through my hair;- I love those lines; they're like an opening scene in a movie or something; I saw it perfectly. "Slashing" is a great word choice. But shouldn't there be a comma after "hands?" The poem needs that pause.

-skin brushes metal and / north/south/poles/skates off.- I find this awkward. I don't care for the "north/south/poles" lines. And I don't think there should be a slash before "poles" anyway.

-I sit very still and imagine your kiss...- I think I recognize this line from one of your "scribblings."

--I mean, if you were less you and I wasn't me / this love would run so smoothly.- Great lines.

-I am a whirlpool of discontent- Stanza 4 is a powerhouse. And this is the most powerful line in the entire poem.

-I am looking for a hand to pull / and, hope spinning outward, / you are the only heartbeat for a thousand miles- I love that. Great ending.

With the exception of the second stanza, this was an excellent poem. Although your poetry is always excellent, this one was exta excellent. A lot of your poetry seems to have this hopeless romantic feel.

Write on, Beti.

it has a feeling to it, as if it happened in real life, which it could have, i don't know.

the beginning lines are definetly my favorite.

beautifully worded. i love it!

There is a wonderful depth of feeling to this work. The final stanza is so well worded that the feeling shines through so vividly. Great work.