Your story is coming along nicely, but I do have some comments.

-The main thing that stuck out to me was the transition in your story. You make really quick jumps from one 'scene' to the next, and that can get confusing. For example, you jump immediately from discussin how she has no freedom to the dining hall.

-Your main character sort of comes off as a 'poor little rich girl', very Kate Winslet/Rose-esque. You have to remember that most girls at this time were perfectly satisfied living the way they did, especially upper class girls. Not everyone longed for the freedom we have today.

-There are a few grammatical errors, mainly with the use of commas. A quick look over with Microsoft Word should fix that.

Research the time period and the Titanic itself, and the story should flow perfectly.

~Tangerine Dream~