that was AMAZING! each and every one of those syllables had their own secret story to tell, or tale to spin. lovely. simply lovely.

Oh, cute. Who hasn't done that?

You know I think since you SO many short poems, you should put them into one big collection. I like organization, so that;s the way I would go.

good short sweet and neat...oh dur, thanks for the review but i didn't get what you meant with your comment... sorry... i mean i meant for the 'until's to be apart from the bodies... it's like a breath. guess i should've made the bodies into rambles or something anyway, thanks and i'll leave you alone now... cheers

I like the parenthsis around dreams but I don't understand them around boy...nor do I understand the hypens (just for show?). and I'm sure someone else has pointed this out but as I haven't read the reviews page yet...isn't it "too caught up..."? Otherwise I like this piece, it seems very detached but not aloof - really the way this boy (or at least peple like him) comes across in real life...like he's not being mean, just caught up in his own mind...

i think the poem as a whole is really nice...it's really sweet...i think the second line is better if you say "won't smile when i walk by" instead of the one indicated...it actually flows easier for me in this way...and i think its supposed to be too instead of to in the third line...

truly yours...

oh, so beautiful. very beautiful.

I think you mean too, which is fairly crucial in a poem so short! I think this is an interesting take on a haiku - making a fairly uncomplicated structure more complex. Very interesting...

Hum, interesting haiku. I think the subject fits the simplicity of a haiku, and the way you present it is clear and sophisticated, clean lines, I would say, in writing =p I like the use of parenthesis too, and the last line "too caught up in (dreams)", fits well. Keep up the good work!xo - Acrobia

I love the detached feeling... m. lovely.

All I can say is, this an creepily too accurate porttrait of myself. And just for that, I'll add this to my favorites!

wow, flashback to two hours ago~ me= love at first sight... it was scary~ good poem

keep writing!

is it supposed to be 'Too' caught up in dreams? maybe i'm just too stupid to get it. but it's pretty.

Interesting use of haiku. This conveys so much in just a glimpse. Good work.

oh.wow, i adore this. it seems that happens a lot.

it reminds me of trying to walk by people and watch them but dont make eye contactor just being off in a dream

I like this... very cute =)