I like how this is written, good word choice and phrasing, strong images. I thought that "screwed around with" sounded too colloquial though, it detracts from the poem a little, for me anyway. The first word that came to mind to replace it was "convoluted", which isn't exactly synonymous, but it would retain the number of syllables. Just a thought; otherwise it's wonderful, and obviously it's your poem, your own message that you are trying to convey, just thought I'd offer a suggestion. Keep writing! :)

this confused me a little, but I still liked it.. especially the last line

Last line is soo true!!.. soz short review ere..

um... dunno wot 2 say.. gettin attacked!! grr.. cant think soz hun

luv u!!

XOXO

Oh woah. Very different form the last. Unusually wonderful descriptions, this piece goes against your normally flow-y ones. This isn't choppy though, no...just different. You don't even notice the flow really, more the intense layers of contredicting truths? No, perhaps not. Though, I don't know you well. I know your work well enough though to tell this is one of your best works. Lovely job.

((sorry for the lack of reviews...I've been all...spacy..lately...I keep going to your page and then the parental advisors kick in..hehe..)) Anyways, awsome as usual, hon. ^__^ I love how you describe the 'lust' as a bit of a...contrast? to the boy's usual character, it just stuck out. Keep it up.--pammy-x33

the last two lines... really came out to me for some reason... anyhow, great job

keep writing!

Wow...that was very deep indeed. I love the ending, it just brightened up the whole poem. Well done.

o...lol i got a preview of this hehehehehe .u kno i like it :P lol love you!^_^mwah!

nice nice very true, awesome work.

Even though this is supposed to sound angsty, you made it sound really happy. Nice wording Josh! Keep on rhyming!

Melanie