FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Sercus Kaynine 2007-06-10 ch 1,  | abuseA sad, but good, poem. The rhyming was perfect. I liked it. |
| MrBillyD 2007-03-01 ch 1, | abuseYou've caught the feelings of a tormented vampire just right. You should have a very good future as a writer. |
| Embellished Heart 2006-03-01 ch 1, | abuseThis is really really good. Short yet powerful. Its so easy to visualise the whole thing playing out.Great work~Dana |
| angeloftheninthorder 2006-02-27 ch 1, | abuseFull of suspense, the words literally create blood and chocolate in my mouth. One as tastefull as the other. P.S. Thanx for looking at my stories. |
| Jonathan Kimberley 2006-02-26 ch 1, | abusethis may be taken from a couple of different views, but to me, this sounds as if you are a vampire remembering the day you were turned. |
| Oriel Vaughn 2006-02-26 ch 1, | abuseI like the sense of rhythm in this piece. The rhyming is not bad either - quite consistent rhyming without sounding unnatural, as though you simply chucked in any word just to make it rhyme. I also liked the description of "whirlpools of a deep black ocean"; it was really good imagery :) But punctuation-wise: may I suggest changing the first line to "A ghost of myself; is that what I see?" I think it kind of enhances the rhythm. Keep writing! :) |