I love your writing and so does my nine year old sister,we both like how you use big words.and you dont seem to think litte kids are stupid,thats a good thing.

Chapter 1 -very mind sucking

the scenes move really fast here.

Also, i'm unsure of what the point of this story is. I'm not expecting it all to unravel now, but in the 3rd chapter I should have a sense of what to expect, at least a little.

I'm not so sure what a Kuhmra is. Based on ur description, I wasn't able to get a clear picture.

The princess seems a little sporatic and unconcerned about the little girl.

Does the little girl have no name?

Is there a reason for holding off the little girl's name?

Some of the conversation seems a little fake.

You are good at describing things, you might want to slow down and dwaddle in that a bit more and don't rush the descriptions or overburden the reader with them either.

the fight scene between the two creatures is a little confusing. Placing the two different creatures and stuff. You might want to go ahead and name them or make stronger distinctions between them besides "blue one" and "feathered one"

Also, why would the girl be on this creatures back if she was scared? She seemed calm enough, like she did this normally.

Good story. All these new characters and people. Keep writing, it's starting to really get good and interesting.

I think you ought to slow it down a bit and explain things a bit, and maybe figure what the plot is. It seems very very random even for a kids book.

A cute little story, but I feel that some of the diction here is to advanced for children, something to keep in mind for things in the kids section.