FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| asecretamor 2007-03-31 ch 1,  | abuseAw, gosh. This is so sweet! It's so.. real. It made me all tingly inside. |
| dreamweaver138 2007-01-19 ch 1, | abusethat was an awesome story! |
| cheimpo17 2006-11-15 ch 1, | abuselove your story. hope you update soon and if you have time, can you check out my story Back Where I Belong? and tell me what you think? |
| Heaven-Ablaze-in-your-Eyes 2006-11-12 ch 1, | abusemen are stupid =P...but they come around eventually lol |
| anonymous fool 2006-11-12 ch 1, | abuseaw so sweet! I like the whole idea of the swings too because it's like so childhood-like! like back when they were together. touching too, especially in reference to the flashback. (: |
| Amorist 2006-03-04 ch 1, | abuseAw. Short and sweet. Nice story. I liked it. Amorist |
| Dark-Angel29 2006-03-04 ch 1, | abuseaw, that's cute... i really liked that |
| Jikaru 2006-03-04 ch 1, | abuseinteresting.:] |
| Maddie Fyrce 2006-03-04 ch 1, | abuseAww! Thats a really sweet story. It made me feel all happy and glowy inside. |
| Princess-anna57 2006-03-04 ch 1, | abuseNice work! What else can I say? ^_^ Keep writing! ~Anna~ |
| Lost in Dreams 2006-03-04 ch 1, | abuseEmotional. The flashback in the beginning adds a nice touch. There's certainly a lot of dialogue here--perhaps you should think about adding some more descriptions in between. Point out how the girl's eyes are teary, or how her posture changes when she sees the guy. Other than that, the only problems I saw were small p'tatoes. A typo in the guy's last dialogue detracts from the mood--check the spelling of 'want.' Also, the very last sentence is awful. It's wordy, repetitive, and esoteric. Be more simple in what you're saying, but add some sensory detail. Overall a job well done. :) |