Reviews for Define 'enemy' - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: Define 'enemy' - Reviews: Page 1 of 2

MidnightblueAurora 2008-05-11 ch 5,	abuseThanks /smile/...yes! yay! you updated! lol, ok, i admit, i was waiting for this...and yes, the revamp was better. The diction is actually very good! Don't make it too complicated though /smile/...know when to keep it simple and when to put that touch of elegance and intelligence to it... Great work! Keep it up! and don't take too long please?? i'm dying for the story to get underway!
SnakeYukin 2008-03-18 ch 4,	abuseYou've reviewed one of my stories, so I finally, keyword finally, decided to sit down and actually read something of my reviewers. I know your planning on revising the story, but till then. Anyways, to start out, the story is indeed interesting and seems to draw me in. I am mainly a horror reader and hardly any other reader, maybe some action stuff; however, that aside, though your story isn't in that genre, I like it. The best you can say about any story, really anything, is that you want there to be more to it soon (e.g. sequel or update). Along with that, I like your style of writing, besides a minor gripe below. Your characters seem to be realistic, in the sense that they don't have similar personalities and conversations aren't completely dumb. Now, on the bad side. I'm not the biggest person on switching POVs several times during a chapter when the POVs sometime go back to the same character/s. It doesn't mean that I believe it should stay with one POV for a chapter, but I believe that you should try to finish that POV for that chapter then switch to another (that's just me.) These POV switches are sometimes a little difficult to figure out which character you're following also at some times (again, for me.) My only last gripe is that I believe that some of the characters, mainly ones introduced in the introduction, could be described (physically mainly) some more than they have been. In the end, gripes aside, I liked the story and am looking forward to updates/revision. Good luck in future writing. Hopefully I was too mean on my first review.
KirbyVictorious 2007-09-02 ch 4,	abuseWOO! REVAMP! And yay telepathy! excellence
KirbyVictorious 2007-08-31 ch 1,	abuseExcellent writing. However, it could be a little more detailed. Instead of explaining how the people are, perhaps you could show us. It would just take a little more time and writing. Hooray telepathy! slaps high five
MidnightblueAurora 2007-08-30 ch 4,	abuseplease post the revamp soon! please? i love the characters and i really want to see where this is headed, it has the potetial of a very good read. though the switching of POVs has me a bit confused, still i love it. post soon!
slayer of evil 17 2007-01-11 ch 1,	abusehey thanks for the reviews that you have given me, i've been meaning to return the favor for some time and now i finally can. i like where this story is taking me and seems to have so great characters about it as well. you may need to work on a little more character development and go a little more into detail in the beginning about the 2 continents at war and why they are at war but other than that, great work here i look forward to reading more. now, i am off to post another chapter of my own story i finally got rid of the writers block lol. see you soon.
Dani P 2006-12-18 ch 3,	abuseGalbatorix...hmm i take it you've read Eragon and Eldest..good books.. this story is good so far, but i suggest getting rid of the parenthasis..show your reader what your saying in them instead of telling them. The parenthasis are usually a sign of weaker writing, however it is something that can easily be corrected. other than that your writing is pretty good. cant wait to read more :-D
ice flyer 2006-08-27 ch 1,	abuseThis is a good beginning to what seems like a promising story! I like the plot idea and Arymilla's voice is really realistic. Interesting idea of gifted personages and linking minds.. Only a couple comments. First, I thought there were too many POV changes. 3 in one chapter becomes a little jumpy, all over the place-ish. Then, "So wearied was she by this sudden burst of passionate emotion, she fell asleep without even contemplating the fallacies of adults, as was her wont." This was a really nice sentence but it didn't line up with the style and voice of the rest. On the whole this chapter was casual-talkative sort of voice, which is fine, but then sticking in a formal sentence is a little jarring. Anyways, other than that, I like the characters and the ideas a lot! Good job :)
LeChem 2006-07-06 ch 1,	abuseIt is very interesting, though more desription could make it better. Um, I noticed a grammar error near the end, when the mother is speaking of 'embarrass your father and I'. It should be me. Other than that, it's really good. Keep working on it because I want this to develop into a really good story!
Ultimate Schuyler 2006-05-31 ch 1,	abuseI liked how you went straight into how the two nations hated each other, and revealed a bit about each of your characters. ^-^ It's an interesting story.
Butthead 2006-05-28 ch 2, anon.	abuseOi.Nama. Nice long chapter. :))Well, it was all right. Good job.Now, lets just see how long it takes for the second chapter.Hahahahahaha.Cherith = i REALLY like that name.Go you.
Gummi-Arms 2006-05-23 ch 2,	abuseAh. Captivating. And those super-soldiers certainly sound like frightnening adversaries.
Pheobe Meryll 2006-05-14 ch 1,	abuseHello thar! Intruiging story here. The only criticism I have is the sentance "Nobody knew why, nobody for how long." I know what you were saying here but grammatically it's a bit garbled. "she started to detest it (which was a pity, since it calmed her down, and she was known for her anger management issues)" lol she sounds like quite an interesting person. Oh that mental converstion thing is awesome. Very original. Nice chapter - if you update I'll be sure to hop over!
aceinit 2006-05-08 ch 1,	abuseExcellent beginning. This really draws you in and leaves you wanting more. Hope you update soon.
Gummi-Arms 2006-05-02 ch 1,	abuseSounds interesting. But you should put a page break between Armyllia's part and that of the five children, just so there is a clear disticntion between two different viewpoints. At least, I'm assuming that is the case.

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