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| Zie 2006-03-11 ch 2,  | abuseGood! Improvement from the jumpiness of chapter one! Now I understand why you did that though, so the chapter makes a lot more sense. Very good, keep it up! |
| Katie 2006-03-10 ch 2, anon. | abuseIt was constructive critisism. If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. If you gave me a suggestion like that, I would have taken it into consideration, not acted like a total diva about it. Count to ten and take deep breaths. I like this chapter more. It's more detailed, but I still think it could do with a little more description. Feel free to get angry at me for saying so. |
| Nij Reen 2006-03-08 ch 2, anon. | abusedat one was more lyk...intense...i think |
| me ...DUH!!! 2006-03-06 ch 1, anon. | abusedat was soo sad...it made me cry...i told u, u were a good writer! i so knew it!! |
| Zie 2006-03-05 ch 1, | abuseI have to agree with Katie on the chaptering. I'd like to know a little more about her mother and father. It could be just be called her name. That would be a good name for the story: Marilyn. It sounds unoriginal, but that would really sum up the whole idea of it. |
| Katie Preston 2006-03-05 ch 1, | abuseRight, what I think is there are three parts to this chapter. Her being born, her living with her grandmother and her going to live with ehr mother. Really, they should be three seperate chapters. One that explains the mother's relationship with Marilyn's father, how he left, and the pregnancy. One that begins with a calm scene of Marilyn and her grandmother together, and ends with her grandmother's death, and one with her moving and her first night at her mom's home. I like it a lot, I just think more detail is needed. |