Great idea, I love how it ends.

Just a suggestion: perhaps you could cut down on the usage of slipping/slip and replace it with another word.

Cute story. It's pretty good for a one shotter. I love the thin sisterly conflict. Very real. ^_^And also, great imagry.

Since it's harsh criticism you asked for, guess I should provide it :P

N I T P I C K I N G :

Try not to use adverbs; the action should speak for itself. Example--"You've what?" is terse already; you don't need to redefine it. And you should try to find some other way to write "her fingers relaxed and curled slightly"--it's the 'slightly' that's bothering me; it doesn't add to the imagery (slightly? What defines 'slightly'? Is there some description you can add to make it more concrete?).

Take out the 'was' after the comma; it doesn't read correctly (try saying it out loud).

Also, I've never heard rocks being referred to as "a (blank)"--a piece of turquoise, as you said in the beginning, sounds right, but "a jade" does not.

Also, after dialogue, do NOT capitalize the tags--example, don't capitalize "said". It looks bad, and it's not correct.

Also, add a comma in the following lines:- "The girl lay on the floor COMMA a look of peace..."- "The girl took another deep COMMA cleansing..." (This serves a double purpose--it's both grammatically correct, and you can literally HEAR the depth of the breath.)- "On the other hand COMMA your spiritual sight..."- "Kate snorted COMMA causing..."- "Well COMMA no COMMA not one page"- "Diane asked COMMA removing..."- "From your bookmark COMMA you haven't..."- "I'm more balanced than you COMMA having..."

You also have tense problems in this line: "I've read..." It should be "I read the whole thing twice by sneaking into your room when you weren't there and pulling it out from under your bed."

O T H E R T H A N T H A T . . .

I liked this story. It's great how you made it so 'mystical' in the beginning, then changed it to the mundane at the end. It really shows sisterhood and how bratty younger sisters (I'm assuming) can end up being the smarter, wiser ones, while their older sisters try to pull off that guise unsuccessfully. The length is perfect for the story; even though it's lacking in imagery, it still fits together by letting the reader fill in the rest. Conquer your comma-phobia, and this story will be even more awesome :) Good job!

- hl

I liked it. Add a little more detail on her thoughts and it would be really great.

Thanks for reviewing my poem. It's my favorite one. Just thought I'd return the favor.

so, that was interesting. Kind of dry, but not the usual sort of fantasy one would expect. I like how you named all the stones. It drew a picture in my mind.

Heh, this is kind of funny =) I like it, if you want critizism... maybe give a little more history of the stones and what she's doing with them before her sister walks in. But thats just me. Either way, its good.

This is an interesting start... Yet again, some grammar errors. After a quote, don't capitalize the next letter unless it's a proper noun. Ex."I love cheese," She shouted.=Incorrect"I love cheese," she shouted.=correctAlso, vary your sentence structure more to make it easier for the audience to read, and avoid using the word "said" because it makes the writing seem plain.

*claps* very cool. i can see my sister doing the same thing, except that i wouldnt be doing anything like that. but if my sister tried to smart mouth her way with my poetry or something, she'd be feeling somethign the next morning lol.

You use 'lay on the floor' twice in the first line, and which should be before was in the first paragraph. I think rest should be resting.

You seem to be taking an interesting idea and cramming too much with a lot of telling not showing. Also, the last line ruins the mood and doesn't seem like a good closer since the peice seems unfinished.

Good concept, but not my favorite work of yours.