Hmm. There are two problems with this chapter, so far as I can tell:

Firstly, "they were essedarians despite their youth" -- you said they're young already. We know young people can be skilled essedarians. Here, just say they are, not that they are "despite their youth".

Secondly, in your third section, you jump between Sam and Jake's perspectives. Don't change perspective like that, it's confusing. Stick to one character's perspective per section.

Nothing else was wrong with this. It's great. Keep up the rewrite!

Yay, I have time to review at last! I may as well leave you some kind of useful constructive criticism, not that I do so terribly often. A sad state of affairs, that one. I'm a linguistically focussed person, so expect most of it to be on choice of language rather than plot.

.:Section 1:.

Paragraph 1: "Six pillars of stone" -- you mentioned that it's stone at the end of the last sentence. Just "six pillars" will suffice here. Actually, that whole sentence could use rephrasing. What are the "three lines"? My first impression was beams across the tops, but that doesn't seem right. If the lines are painted or carved in the floor, say so. Also, rather than "a low marble wall running between adjacent pillars", don't overuse one noun in the same sentence; say the wall "ran around the circumference" or somesuch. That's a less important point, though.

Paragraph 2: "and most chose to accept it" -- use "but" rather than "and". "and" implies that their acceptance is connected to their lack of understanding, rather than being in spite of it. Also, "everybody" is one word. After "no one carved the names", use a colon or horizontal dash rather than a semicolon ... and "no one" should probably be hyphenated. Don't restate that the lines "connected opposing pillars", just call them the "connecting lines" or something.

Paragraph 3: "either" means exclusively one or the other. Use "sometimes" here instead, it's more appropriate than "mostly" given that she's usually (therefore, also "mostly") stargazing.

Paragraph 4: After "Strange", you need more break than a comma. Use an ellipse.

The flow and detail of introspection is much better in this than in the last version, even though the scene is practically identical. Your skill has very obviously improved.

.:Section 2:.

I found this section to be disjointed with the rest of the story. Although there was nothing wrong with the content, the way you've separated it out breaks the flow of your story unnecessarily. It's an info-dump, basically, something which fantasy authors should always try to avoid. Work this information into the central narrative, in a subtler and less invasive way.

.:Section 3:.

Paragraph 6: Why did she cancel Omniscience before attacking? Wouldn't the spell give her an advantage? If essedarians can only maintain concentration on one spell at a time, now's the time to mention it. Also, sitting in a tree with a flaming sword doesn't sound wise.

Paragraph 7: after the comma in the first sentence, you need an "and". Then "ripping" needs to move into past tense.

Paragraph 8: if he "cackled" those words, then "He" shouldn't be capitalised. But then again, he shouldn't be cackling at all -- is crone-like laughter appropriate after his arm has just been brutalised?

Paragraph 9: A flaming sword demands a severe reaction; pain and terror are most appropriate. The man would not just stand there and do nothing, so describe his reaction. And "former dog" could use a better term ... Raven's still a dog, after all, just not *his* dog. Say "the dog and his former master" instead.

Paragraph 10: A flaming sword could cauterize the wound it inflicts.

Paragraph 11: "It's useless now" -- say "crippled" rather than "useless". Otherwise you'll overuse the latter word. Furthermore, is her sword still flaming, or what? Holding a flaming sword to someone's throat would be agonizing or even lethal.

Paragraph 13: Don't say her arm hung relaxed at her side. Show that it's injured. Say it hung or dangled limply, rather than relaxedly.

Paragraph 16: Why can't she use her left hand to remove the curse? *I* know that the left hand channels Dark and the right hand Light, and that may have something to do with it, but does a new reader? More information is necessary.

The details of the healing spell seem a little odd ... the "curse" is more of an abjuration, isn't it? It restricts energy. But "healing" implies reparation of injuries. So shouldn't the curse be negated by some kind of releasing spell, and then the arm's remaining injuries be healed directly?

Meh. I really shouldn't be contradicting your setting. But I hope I've given you some food for thought, at least. It's very good, and if you touched it up just a little it could be perfect.

'Course, you should always look for more opinions ... do some reviewing to get your name around, so other people will look at your work. Writing needs a readership, and this could be enjoyed by so many more people.

Ganbatte, smos-kun! ^-^

Well, now ... what a pleasant surprise. Have I told you before that you should update more often? Wait, yes, I believe I have. :P Not that I'm one to talk, I suppose. I don't think I've updated in the last two months.

Right at the beginning, almost in the first line, I spotted something that needs rephrasing: "Why does everyone always overlook the fact that children are skilled essedarians, often more so than adults?" This statement suggests that *all* children are skilled essedarians, which surely cannot be the case. Try "Why does everyone always overlook the fact that children can be skilled essedarians" instead.

There was a good blend of action, description and dialogue in this chapter. It was very, very well written overall. A new reader may have a little difficulty understanding the spell-channelling, but a long story has a lot of room to explain things like that, so I wouldn't worry about it. It's a good system, anyway.

Don't worry so much about catching up on reviews, it's not a big deal. I for one can always find time to indulge in your writing. ^-^ Glad I thought to check your profile...