Haha, well I liked this because it was an interesting story. It wasn't cliche or common at all. It was actually just interesting to read and interesting enough to keep my attention. Another thing I liked about this was just the detail and the overall word choice. It was just perfect for this piece.

[“Don’t you walk away from me. Please. Father.” the words were an effort now and his hand betrayed him by reaching out and grasping the bastard’s arm to pull him back. Not gripping, just grasping. ]

That there? Perfect.

Good job.

I'm sorry, what? I couldn't understand your story at all. Maybe I'm just dumb but wow, you lost me. Also you need to work on your grammar.

that has to be one of the most unique and well written pieces i've read on this site in a long while...perhaps since i joined. i only think i found a single mistake (spelling) that wasn't intentional. given the nature of most amateur authors, i'd say that's a bloody miracle. some of the formatting and paragraph structure struck me as odd, but given that i never cared for any english class i ever attended, i can't say much beyond that. it's a gem, and i hope you continue with it.

this story threw me around a little bit. a good piece of easy reading tho. i enjoyed it. (please review my new story "motionless exile" :P)